


Roots and Wings

by nojamhands



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-12 21:57:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 32,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12969243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nojamhands/pseuds/nojamhands
Summary: What if Rory didn't go to Harvard, Princeton, OR Yale? When Rory chooses to attend school elsewhere, the impact it has on her friends and family is greater than anyone could've imagined.





	1. The Future Freaks Me Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory gets grilled about her college applications and Lorelai discovers Harvard isn't the only school on the list.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little background on this story…I don't remember exactly how it came to be, but I know I was tossing around some AU ideas with jumpingcattlehockey earlier this year, and this was one of them. We both agreed it would be an interesting idea to explore. So after loads of encouragement, spitballing, and discussion with her, savvyliterate, and meags09, this fic was born (although I know this will all keep happening as I continue working on this fic - check out their writing in the meantime...you won't regret it).
> 
> This is still a work in progress, so please bear with me. I've got most of the beginning written, but the middle is going to take some time. I hope you will stick with me, though! I've got it all outlined and planned.
> 
> I want to go ahead and make a general disclaimer that I don't own any of this. It all belongs to the WB (RIP), ASP, and Netflix. Also, I don't know that I will always remember to say that I borrowed dialogue from eps. So go ahead and assume if it sounds familiar or extremely witty, it's not mine.
> 
> Last but not least, the title of this work: Roots & Wings. I got the idea from a poem I am going to paste at the end of this A/N. If you don't feel like reading it now, it's all good. The main idea is a child asking their parents for only roots and wings — "roots to cling to and wings to set me free."
> 
> This chapter titled after a song by Motion City Soundtrack.
> 
> I promise the rest of the A/N's will not be this long.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

Roots & Wings by Denis Waitley

_If I had two wishes, I know what they would be_

_I'd wish for roots to cling to, and wings to set me free;_

_roots of inner values, like rings within a tree,_

_and wings of independence to seek my destiny._

_Roots to hold forever to keep me safe and strong,_

_to let me know you love me, when I've done something wrong;_

_to show me by example, and helps me learn to choose,_

_to take those actions everyday, to win instead of lose._

_Just be there when I need you, to tell me it's alright,_

_to face my fear of falling when I test my wings in flight;_

_Don't make my life to easy, it's better if I try,_

_And fail and get back up myself, so I can learn to fly._

_If I had two wishes, and two were all I had,_

_And they could just be granted, by my Mom and Dad;_

_I wouldn't ask for money any store-bought things,_

_the greatest gifts i'd ask for are simply Roots and Wings._

* * *

"So you're going through this horrible period of applying to college," Natalie said to Rory.

"It's not so horrible."

"She's got it pretty well covered," Richard added proudly.

"That's right!" Lorelai smiled at her daughter, her eyes glowing with pride.

Natalie and Douglas continued talking with Rory about her applications, relaying stories of disappointments and life plans gone awry after their grandchildren received unexpected rejections. Even though Rory was not terribly concerned, hearing these stories still gave her an unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach.

The feeling only got worse as Natalie and Douglas continued to press her about which schools she was interested in.

"Where did you apply, dear?" Natalie inquired.

"Harvard."

"No word yet?" Douglas asked her.

"I'm not supposed to hear back for awhile."

"Where else?"

 _What's with the third degree, Douglas?_  Rory wondered. The thought of where this conversation would likely end up made her extremely anxious.

"Where else?" She managed to say.

"Where else did you apply? Your alternates?"

Natalie added, "We're so curious, it's like we've been going through this ourselves."

"Well, I'm pretty much counting on Harvard," Rory said, hoping that would be a good enough answer to end the conversation.

"Well, you didn't apply to just Harvard, did you?"

 _Apparently not._ Rory shifted in her seat uncomfortably. "Well, no."

This got Lorelai's attention. "No?"

Natalie seemed to catch the surprise in Lorelai's voice. "Am I prying?"

 _Yes,_  Rory thought, but said, "No."

"We applied elsewhere?" Lorelai asked.

 _You say we like you're the one who is going to college. Like you're the one having to make a life-changing decision,_ Rory thought bitterly. But as soon as this crossed her mind, she immediately felt guilty. She knew her mother had worked tirelessly to make sure she could achieve this goal.

 _Your goal or her goal,_  a voice inside her asked.

 _It's my goal, too. I've worked my whole life for this,_  she assured herself.

 _Then why haven't you told her_ —

Her internal debate was interrupted by Lorelai asking if Chilton really wouldn't allow her to apply to only one school.

"Pretty much," Rory told her.

"Why didn't you tell me that?"

"I was going to."

The other adults jumped to her defense.

"You have to be safe."

"My grandson – six schools."

"Same with Dustin."

Lorelai barely heard them. "Where else did you apply?

This was exactly the conversation Rory was hoping to avoid. "Just at some other schools."

"Well, if you're aiming at Harvard, that would be Princeton, Yale, maybe Vassar, Wesleyan," said Douglas.

"Certainly Yale because of Richard's connections, yes?" Claude asked.

Natalie agreed. "I would assume so."

Rory was growing more uneasy by the second. "Those are the kinds of places, yup."

Lorelai couldn't believe what she was hearing. "The kinds of places or the places? Rory?"

 _Time to bite the bullet,_  Rory thought. "Princeton. . . um, Yale."

"Yale?" Lorelai asked incredulously.

"Yes?" Richard said.

"Yale, Dad?" She could not believe her parents would go to these lengths, behind her back nonetheless, to get Rory to attend their beloved Yale.

"Oh, this is the first I'm hearing about it, Lorelai."

"Oh, bull."

As the adults continued to argue, Rory tried her best to defend herself. Although everything she said was the truth, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt knowing she had other irons in the fire that she was not yet willing to discuss.

* * *

Rory was grateful for the silent ride home; it gave her plenty of time to mull over the events of the evening.

She really had intended to tell Lorelai about her other applications; it was not unreasonable or unusual for someone in her position to keep their options open and apply to a couple of backups.

Rory groaned inwardly at the thought of having to tell her mother that she had not limited herself to exploring the idea of attending only Princeton or Yale rather than Harvard. Based on how well Lorelai received the news of those applications, Rory could only imagine how her mother would feel about her applying to schools that were at least an hour further away from home than Princeton was.

_Hey mom! Just wanted to let you know I also applied to UPenn. Don't worry - it's over 3 hours away on a good day!_

Though that might not go over terribly once Lorelai got used to the idea; Harvard wasn't exactly close either. But the thought of having to tell her about the other schools… _Rice, Notre Dame, Stanford…how can I tell my mom I may be moving across the country?_

Truthfully, Rory was a little surprised her mother was so shocked and appalled that she had allowed herself to have a myriad of choices. After all, she had three bus books so she could pick and choose what to read depending on her mood. She was planning on taking at least a dozen books on their Europe trip because who could know what would strike her on a six week excursion? What was wrong with wanting choices?

But Rory knew Lorelai wouldn't see it as keeping her options open — not at first at least. She would see it as her daughter trying to get as far away from her as possible; she would think Rory was trying to escape her. Even though Rory was only doing what she thought would be best for her future, Lorelai would take it as a very personal slight, and would be devastated.

It wasn't as if Rory had given her mother no consideration when she made her choices of where to apply. She knew it would be hard for the both of them to be far away from each other. They could easily talk on the phone or chat with a webcam, but she knew it was not the same. She had also weighed the pros and cons of Lorelai soon beginning to pursue her dream of opening her own inn with Sookie, which would leave her little time to potentially jet around the country to visit her daughter, but would provide her with a big distraction.

The thought of going months at a time without seeing her mother made Rory physically ache inside. But, as she reminded herself time and time again, that's what happens when you go to college; it's what normal people do. Even though the life she and her mom had was anything but ordinary, and though Rory was nothing but thankful for the relationship she had with Lorelai, she couldn't help but crave a little bit of normalcy as she transitioned into this new phase of her life.

* * *

Lorelai used the silent drive to process all the information she had received that evening. Rationally, she knew Yale would be just as good of a choice as Harvard, but its ties to her parents and the life she was "supposed" to have made her feel extremely uneasy.

The two Gilmores were making their way toward Sookie's when Rory finally broke the silence.

"Are you mad?" she asked nervously.

"No, I'm not mad."

"You seem mad."

"What are you feeling?

"I wouldn't know how to word it."

"Try."

Lorelai did her best to explain the thoughts running through her head to her daughter, and Rory tried to give her the reassurance she desperately needed. It didn't calm her anxious mind as much as she would have liked, but she knew that she would feel better once she had some time to wrap her head around the idea of Rory going to Yale or Princeton.

After they stopped by and chatted with a very intoxicated Sookie, the girls headed to the diner for a coffee.

"Get more trash cans!" They heard Jess yell.

"I don't need more," Luke insisted.

"You make me run around town for a place to dump this!"

"Just dump it in one of Taylor's bins. It gets out of here and it'll drive Taylor crazy. It's a win-win."

The two men continued to bicker after Lorelai and Rory greeted them. Jess tried to get the girls to help him convince Luke to buy more trash cans, but his uncle waved him off.  **"** Just go."

"You got any coffee?" Lorelai asked.

"That I've got. Hey did I see flames coming from Sookie's place about a half ago ago?"

"Yeah, why?" Lorelai replied as she and Luke walked into the diner.

Rory followed Jess down the sidewalk. He started to speak but she silenced him with a kiss. "Hi."

"Hi," he said, thrilled by her enthusiastic greeting.

"Later." Rory started to walk away, but Jess stopped her.

"Or you can walk with me to ditch the garbage in Taylor's cans. It'll be fun."

Rory grinned at the mischievous glint in her boyfriend's eyes, and the two walked toward Doose's. As they got closer to the market, Dean emerged from the darkness and began to approach Jess. When he noticed Rory he seemed to change his mind and skulked away. Rory felt a twinge of guilt.

"I'm sorry if he has been bothering you," she said quietly.

"Not your fault."

"It is my fault. I treated him horribly."

Jess snorted. "And you think he was Prince Charming or something? He dumped you in front of everyone at the dance marathon, Rory."

"I deserved it after what I did. I —"

"No, Rory!" Jess interrupted, tossing the trash into the garbage cans roughly, causing some of the contents to spill out. "Shit." He and Rory picked up the detritus in silence, the tension between them sitting thickly in the air.

Jess sighed. "I just don't get why this guy is on such a pedestal with you and your mom. It seemed to me that he was kind of possessive and controlling."

Rory didn't say anything. Jess ran a hand through his hair. "Listen I'm not trying to pass judgement on your relationship with Dean —" Rory cocked an eyebrow at him. "Okay maybe I am. But I don't want you to think you deserved that crap at the dance marathon. I know I'm not exactly Steve Hale, but I would never treat you like that."

"I think that's the most words I've ever heard you speak at once. And you tossed a Full House reference in there? Wow!" Rory teased. She took his hand and laced her fingers through it. "I know you wouldn't, and Steve Hale isn't my type anyway."

The two walked happily back toward the diner.

"How was thanksgiving at the grandparents?" Jess asked. He felt Rory stiffen slightly.

"Um...well we have definitely had worse dinners."

"What happened?"

"My mom found out about Yale."

"It didn't go well?"

"I'd say somewhere between the Carter and Reagan administrations."

"She seemed okay when you guys got here."

Rory nodded. "She's adjusting. Processing."

"And how are you?"

Rory didn't respond right away.

"Rory?" Jess stopped walking and turned to searched her face for some clarity.

"What if…" she began anxiously. "What if I didn't go to Harvard? Or Yale? Or Princeton?"

Jess gave her a quizzical look. "Are you saying you don't want to go to college?"

Rory shook her head. "No! Of course not. I just…"

Jess placed a hand on her arm and lifted her chin so they could make eye contact. "Hey. Talk to me."

"What if I wanted to explore my options a little more? Those aren't the only prestigious universities in the U.S. They aren't even the only ones in New England."

"O…kay?"

"There's Columbia and Brown and UPenn and Dartmouth, and those are just the Ivies. What if I don't want to limit myself? What if I want to see what else is out there?"

Jess wasn't sure what to say. "Is this your way of telling me that you're looking at other schools?"

Rory nodded.

"Schools outside of New England?"

Rory nodded again and Jess felt his insides clench. Neither of them spoke for a moment. Jess knew he should ask, but couldn't bring himself to form the words.

"UPenn is one of the other places I applied," Rory said quietly. "That's still in New England."

"Where else?" Jess mumbled.

"What?"

"Where else, Rory?" he asked with more bite than he intended.

Her eyes widened, taken aback by his tone. "Um…"

"Rory! Mommy scored some of Luke's rolls! Let's get home and see just how full we really are!" Lorelai called from the diner steps.

Rory looked at her mother, back to Jess, then to her mother again, unsure of what to do. "Jess is gonna walk me home Mom! I'll see you in a few minutes!" Lorelai waved goodbye and began walking to the Crap Shack. Rory turned her eyes to Jess. "Walk me home?"

The two walked in silence for most of the journey. Rory finally grabbed his hand and pulled him to a halt. "I applied to three other back up schools besides UPenn."

"And I repeat: where else?" Jess asked, growing annoyed.

"Rice, Notre Dame, and Stanford."

Jess was shocked. "Texas? Indiana? California?! You can't be serious."

"Why not? What's wrong with those places?"

"Oh man, you have gotta be kidding me…"

"They're great schools Jess!" Rory said indignantly. "Why is it so ridiculous that I would want to apply to several top-tier universities?"

"They're thousands of miles away!"

"You think I don't know that? Do you really think I would make this kind of a decision lightly? That I would consider leaving my town, my friends, my family, or you without giving it any thought? That I would even think about practically abandoning my mother without making a thorough pro/con list?"

Jess felt a wave of guilt wash over him. Of course she would have put a lot of thought into this — she was Rory Gilmore, the girl who buys three highlighters,  _just in case_. "You're right."

"This doesn't change anything between us. It won't," she insisted. "Besides, we don't even know that I'll get in."

Jess put his arm around her and kissed the side of her head as they resumed walking. "Yeah, right. Those schools would be morons to deny you. They're lucky you gave them the time of day."

When they reached the Crap Shack, Rory hesitated before kissing him goodnight. "Jess? Could you maybe not say anything to anyone about this?"

He scoffed. "Who would I tell?"

"It's just…I haven't told my mom about the other applications yet, and I don't want her to find out about it from someone else. I need to tell her myself and I need to tell her in my own time."

"I won't tell. Scout's Honor."

Rory smiled. "Thanks. And thanks for walking me home." She kissed him goodnight and bounded up the stairs into her house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a reminder, Natalie, Douglas, and Claude are all friends of Richard and Emily who attend Thanksgiving Dinner, in case that confused anyone.


	2. The Best Laid Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory's decision to apply to college outside of New England has unexpected effects on those closest to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The timeline is a little off from the actual events of S3, so just know I am aware, but needed to alter it for the purposes of this story :)
> 
> Also, if you are a big fan of Jess, this chapter might rub you the wrong way. Just be warned.

_The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry._

_\- Robert Burns_  

* * *

 

Time seemed to fly by after Thanksgiving. Rory finished out the fall semester and the Christmas season was just a blur. Shortly after the holidays, the Gilmore Girls experienced the full spectrum of life: the birth of Rory's half-sister and the death of Stars Hollow's beloved bakery owner, Fran Weston. While Rory was excited to have a sibling, Lorelai was anxious to find out what would become of the Dragonfly.

With the spring semester underway, Rory found herself thinking more seriously about her backup schools. During her lunch period, she started going to the library to do additional research, which also helped her avoid Paris's pestering about whether or not she had heard back from Harvard.

Since she was unable to turn to her mother for advice, Rory was at a loss for what to do. Between avoiding talking to her mother and dodging Paris's incessant questioning, Rory found herself feeling very alone, not to mention exhausted from having to keep her secret. She had hoped she could confide in Jess, but things had been rocky between them following Jess's disastrous appearance at Friday Night Dinner. Nonetheless, Jess knew something was bothering her.

He tried to get her attention one evening while they were watching a movie in Luke's apartment. "Hey."

"Hey back."

"What's up?"

"Uh, just watching the movie. How about you?"

"No. I mean what's going on with you?"

"What?"

Jess sighed in frustration. "Come on, Rory. I know something is bothering you."

Rory stared at her lap for a minute before turning to face her boyfriend.

"Remember when I told you about my backup schools?"

Jess nodded.

"What if they weren't backups anymore? Or what if one of them was less of a hypothetical and more of a real possibility?"

Jess didn't reply, so Rory explained further, "I've been doing some serious research, and some of those schools are even better than I realized. They have some of the highest ranked programs in the country, with some areas out ranking even Harvard and Yale."

"Why are you suddenly so interested in anywhere but Harvard?" Jess asked abruptly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean from hearing you and your mom talk, Harvard is all you've ever thought about; it's been your dream practically since birth. But now not only are you tossing Harvard in the trash, you're scratching Yale off the list too? For what? It doesn't make sense."

"I'm not tossing them in the trash! I'm trying to make the best decision for me!"

"How are Harvard and Yale not the best decisions?! They're literally two of the best universities in the world! Some people would kill to be in your position!"

"Because it's  _my_  future Jess! Not anyone else's. Not yours. Not my grandparents'. Not my mom's. Mine. This decision will have an effect on the rest of my life! I don't want to just accept a plan my mom laid out for me when I was a toddler. I don't want to accept the plans my grandparents have been making for me in secret. Maybe I don't  _want_  to go to an Ivy League school — not if they're not going to be what's best for me in the long run. Maybe I will still end up at Harvard or Yale, but there's a good chance I might end up at Stanford instead."

"You're really thinking about Stanford?"

She nodded.

When he remained silent, Rory pleaded, "Jess…if I don't have you on my side, I don't know how I'll find the strength to tell my mom. I need to know I have your support in this. Please understand."

Jess could not speak. He wanted so badly to tell Rory he would support her and be in her corner no matter what her decision was, but all he could think about was the fact that the only person who ever really understood him might be leaving. Deep down he knew it was not her intention at all, but he couldn't help but feel like she was giving up them…on him — just like everyone else.

He gave her a hard look. "Don't worry about me. Go ahead — run off to California and break your mom's heart. Isn't that what your dad did? Send me a postcard if you can find the time." He turned back to the movie, looking away from her determinedly.

Rory's jaw dropped and her eyes filled with tears. "I should go," she whispered in a choked voice. She grabbed her coat and fled the apartment. Jess continued to stare at the TV.

Rather than face Luke, Rory took the back way out of the diner, running as fast as she could toward the gazebo. She collapsed on the bench inside and began to sob.

Jess was still staring at the TV when Luke entered the apartment a few minutes later. "Why did Rory just run out the back door?"

Jess shrugged. "Hell if I know."

Luke's jaw clenched. "Hell if I know? What is that supposed to mean? Did something happen? Geez, Jess! What's the matter with you? Do you understand how special she is? You better run after her to see if it can be fixed! "

Luke's words somehow shook Jess out of his stupor, and he realized the magnitude of the situation, and the seriousness of what he had just done. "Fuck…" he muttered, not even bothering to grab his coat as he left the apartment.

Rory sat on the bench inside the gazebo, her sobs beginning to subside. She heard someone coming up behind her. "Jess?" She sniffled, wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

"Rory?"

"Oh, Dean. It's just you."

"Sorry to disappoint. Are you okay? Have you been crying?" He walked over and sat down beside her. "Rory?"

Her eyes filled with tears again and she tried to wipe them away before he could see.

"Hey, what's going on? Why are you so upset?"

"None of your business," Jess said angrily as he climbed up the steps.

Dean leapt off the bench and stood to his full height, practically towering over Jess. "What did you do?"

"Back off man," Jess warned, giving Dean a little nudge so he could get over to Rory. Dean gave him a small shove back. "I said back off!" Jess repeated.

"Or you'll what?" Dean challenged, his eyes blazing.

Jess scoffed. "I'm not gonna fight you in front of Rory, man. Now get out of the way."

Dean shoved him again, harder than before, and Jess stumbled back into one of the gazebo rails. Rory gasped. "Guys stop it!"

Jess recovered quickly, jumping to his feet and charging towards Dean. " I — said — back — off," Jess snarled, shoving Dean roughly between each word. "Nobody wants you here! Not me and certainly not Rory. Don't you get it man? She's  _done_  with you. Get a clue!"

To Rory, it seemed to happen in slow motion: Dean's fist collided with Jess's jaw. Then everything that followed happened on fast forward. The two boys went at each other, splintering the rails of the gazebo in the process.

"Stop it! Stop it!" Rory shrieked. Jess pushed Dean as hard as he could, and the boy collided with a splintered rail, his body weight and momentum causing him to break completely through it, falling a short distance into the bushes below. Jess ran down the steps, eager to continue the brawl, when someone grabbed him by the shirt collar and pulled him back.

"What the hell is going on?!" Luke yelled. He spotted Rory huddled on the gazebo, her tear stained cheeks glistening in the moonlight. He let go of Jess and rushed to her, feeling frantic. "Rory, are you okay?! Are you hurt?!" She sniffled and shook her head. Luke's tone softened. "Let's get you home, okay? I'll drive you." He glared at Jess. "You had better be in the diner by the time I get back. I mean it Jess."

Once Luke made sure Rory was okay and safely settled in at home, he returned to the diner, dreading the conversation he had to have with his nephew. His dread only increased when he saw Taylor waiting on the front steps.

"Luke, there you are! We have a very serious matter to discuss!"

"Not now, Taylor," Luke tried to brush past the man, but he shuffled around to block the entrance.

"Luke, this is an urgent matter! We must deal with the repercussions of your hoodlum of a nephew destroying the gazebo tonight!"

"Taylor, that thing has been standing for a million years and has weathered many storms. I would hardly call a few broken rails 'destroyed.'"

"Well since you're so optimistic about it, I'm sure you wouldn't mind financing the repairs or handling them yourself? After all, it could be classified as criminal mischief, and I know how much you like to deal with these kinds of legal matters internally."

Luke glared at him. "You really think I'll take care of all this myself? No way, Taylor!"

Taylor clicked his tongue. "Well if that's really how you feel I suppose I'll have to involve the local authorities…."

"Taylor, this is blackmail!"

"Nonsense, Luke! I'm simply affording you the opportunity to handle this matter yourself."

Luke let out an angry breath. "Fine. We'll discuss it tomorrow."

As Taylor set off all too gleefully for his home, Luke entered the diner and locked the door behind him. When he arrived upstairs, he saw Jess sitting on the edge of his bead, head in his hands.

"I hope you're thinking about how you're gonna pay me back for repairing the gazebo," Luke growled.

Jess looked up at him. "I didn't ask you to do that, so that's on you man."

"Damn it, Jess, I'm trying to help you! That's all I've ever done is try and help you! And this is the thanks I get! When are you going to take responsibility for yourself and stop with this 'me against the world' crap, huh? I know your life has not been easy, but there are a lot of people who have done their best to make things better for you! Then you go out and get in fist fights with the bag boy and practically destroy a historical marker! And you hurt Rory, probably the best thing that's ever happened to you? That's not all on me Jess. No way!"

"I didn't ask for any of that! I didn't ask to be here! If I'm such a burden to you then fine. I'm gone!" Jess grabbed his coat and his wallet and stormed toward the door.

"Jess wait! That's not…"

Jess whipped his head around. "Don't bother. I don't need your apologies. I'll call you from my mom's," and with that, he was gone.

* * *

After Jess's departure, the next few weeks passed with few incidents while Rory anxiously awaited for her admission letters to arrive. As soon as three big envelopes were found in the mailbox, the pro/con lists began. Rory threw herself into the lists with as much enthusiasm as she could muster, but everyone's insistence that she was going to be attending Harvard, and Lorelai's growing love of Yale was nagging at her conscience, which only made her anxiety get worse.

She still had not managed to tell Lorelai about her other applications. She thought she found her chance once Lorelai opened herself up to Yale, but had decided against it to avoid throwing too much at her at once. She figured she might be able to ease her mom into the idea of going away to school, bringing it up a little at a time, but when she casually mentioned a Chilton classmate's acceptance to Duke University in North Carolina, Lorelai laughed and said, "Wow they can't get far enough away can they?"

As a result, Rory began to stalk the mail delivery. On weekdays, she would pounce on the mailbox as soon as she got home, and on weekends she would practically attack the mail carrier. Luckily, Lorelai was too swept up in dealing with the disastrous fire at the Independence, the fate of the Dragonfly, and Rory's graduation preparations to notice.

Finally, not long after her first acceptances, four more big envelopes arrived, and Rory knew her time was up. She took a deep breath and walked back into the house to face the music.

"Hey, sweets. Anything interesting?" Lorelai called to her as she entered. When Rory didn't answer, Lorelai turned toward the entryway from her place on the couch. "Hon?"

Rory slowly walked toward her mom, staring at the envelopes in her hands. Lorelai's eyes widened a fraction upon recognition.

"Uhh, Rory...did Princeton, Harvard, and Yale want you so badly they sent you another acceptance letter? Did you realize you're gonna miss mommy so much you applied for me to go with you?"

Rory still didn't say anything. She just swallowed and walked over to sit next to her mom on the couch. As she sat, she arranged the envelopes so that each unique university crest was visible. Lorelai took in the swirl of blue, grey, red, white, and gold emblazoned on the papers in front of her.

They sat in silence for what felt like hours before Lorelai spoke, "So...what is this?"

Despite having had plenty of time to come up with an explanation, Rory didn't know where to start.

"Mom…" she began, adjusting her position so she could look Lorelai directly in the eyes, "I didn't just apply to Princeton, Harvard, and Yale. I also applied to UPenn, Rice, Notre Dame, and Stanford. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but it makes sense from a student's perspective — having lots of options and back ups for my back ups. And like I said at Grandma and Grandpa's, Chilton insists that we apply to multiple schools. I knew I was going to apply to the big Ivies, but I did some research on a bunch of other schools, and these had some of the highest ratings in the country. Some areas were ranked the same or higher than Harvard and Yale! And —"

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Lorelai interrupted, "You're moving into a Luke Danes level rant here, babe. Take a breath." She inhaled deeply and motioned for Rory to do the same. "Now, let's start over. Tell me how you got here."

Rory slowly let out her breath. "At first, I was just researching for the fun of it. Then, like I said, I decided to apply to those other schools as backups for my backups. They really do have good programs and their campuses are gorgeous. But the more I thought about it, the more I wondered why I was so set on going to Princeton, Harvard, or Yale. I mean, I know it's all we have talked about my whole life. But why? These other schools are just as good. I mean, of course telling someone you went to Harvard or Yale carries some weight, but as far as curriculum goes, they're practically equals."

"You looked at their journalism programs? They're good?"

Rory hesitated, "That's something else. I don't know that I want to do journalism anymore. I love working on the Franklin, but that doesn't mean I have to make a career out of it. I can work on a school paper even if I'm not a journalism major."

Lorelai's head was spinning trying to absorb all this new information. "So, if not journalism, then what?"

Rory gave her a small smile. "Mom, isn't it obvious? What has always been my passion? And don't say pie!"

Lorelai chuckled softly and thought for a moment. She smiled back at Rory and said, "Literature."

Rory nodded. "Yes. I mean think about it — when people think of Rory Gilmore, they think books. English and literature have always been the subjects I enjoy the most. I have loved them with a love that was more than love."

Lorelai grabbed a pillow and put it over her face, "Ugh! Please no more Poe quotes!"

Rory laughed, "I thought you might like that."

Lorelai removed the pillow from its place and smacked Rory on the arm with it. Rory gasped and immediately retaliated.

After their impromptu pillow fight, the tension they had been feeling eased significantly.

"What are we going to do about this?" Lorelai asked.

"Well I've had a lot more time to think about this than you, so I think I know which two are my top choices. We can make more pro/con lists for those."

"Which two?" Lorelai asked, fearing her daughter's answer.

"Yale."

"Okay...and?"

"...Stanford."

Those two syllables were like a dagger to Lorelai's heart.

 _California_ …

Rory could see the sadness in her mother's eyes.

"Mom…please know this is not about you. Or getting away from you."

It amazed Lorelai how well her daughter knew the depths of her heart. Logically, she knew Rory would never run away and abandon her, but there was a very tiny piece of her still afraid it could happen. The fact that Rory understood this made her feel happy that her kid knew her so well, but guilty that her daughter was so worried about her that she was considering not pursuing a potential dream school. Lorelai couldn't allow that.

"Oh kid, I know." She sighed and gave Rory a hug. "Being apart from you will never be easy, whether it's 30 miles or 30 thousand miles. But I want you to make this decision for you and only you. Yale may be short drive, but Stanford is just a plane ride away. Plus California? Helloooo Hollywood! Mommy can finally become a movie star!"

Rory laughed, "Well, you know that Stanford is a couple hours away from Hollywood, right? You'd be better off strutting your stuff down the pier in San Francisco. It's closer."

"Ooo we can do our own  _Escape from Alcatraz_!" Lorelai said excitedly. "Or maybe I will meet a beach babe and we can get engaged on the Golden Gate Bridge. How dreamy!"

The anxiety Rory had been feeling finally dissolved, and she felt like a huge weight was lifted from her shoulders. She couldn't have imagined her mother reacting so positively, especially after the incident at Thanksgiving and considering how badly Jess had taken the news.

 _Maybe that whole thing helped her to put things in perspective._ Rory shrugged it off, pleased that her mother was so supportive of whatever her choice would be.


	3. Sins of Admission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lorelai keeps Rory's news a secret from Luke and he grows suspicious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know most people don't care for Nicole, but I'm going to be exploring that relationship juuuust a little bit thanks to a conversation I had with with a fellow fic author. But stick with me on this, I promise you'll like the end result ;)

Sitting in the diner a few days later, Lorelai felt panicked. On the one hand, she knew Rory would receive an outstanding education for English and literature at Stanford, having done a little research of her own. On the other hand, could she survive her daughter living over 3,000 miles away? She knew she would be able to visit occasionally, and that Rory would come home for Christmas and during the summer. But only seeing her daughter two or three times a year for a few days or weeks at a time? The thought was almost unbearable.

"You okay?"

Lorelai's head jerked up to see Luke standing over her. "Um…yeah. Yes. Sorry just, uh, got caught up thinking about the lives of celebrities. You know how I get. Tell me—what do  _you_  think about Bennifer?" She tried to smile and play it off.

"Unfortunately, I do know how you get since you're in here every damn day, which is how I know it's more than just worrying about whoever the hell Bennifer is since you've taken approximately three sips of your coffee in half an hour."

"Wow, three exact sips? Keeping count, are we? If I didn't know any better, I'd say you've been watching me."

Luke rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well, don't tell Ed that. I just went to give him a refill and wouldn't want him to get the wrong idea. Not like I need to keep an eye on my customers or anything, here in my place of business."

Lorelai smiled for real this time; she loved irritating Luke. "Well it'll be our little secret," she gave him a wink. "Anyhow, can I just get a new cup since this one's basically tepid? Ooo and a slice of pie?"

Luke sighed and rolled his eyes again as he walked back to the counter to retrieve her items. Despite her best efforts, he knew something was up. He suspected it had something to do with Rory's upcoming graduation, but he wasn't sure what other issues might be bubbling under the surface.

When he returned to her table, something dawned on him. "Hey, where did Rory decide to go to school? You guys were in here with those ridiculous pro/con lists for days, but I don't think I ever heard the final verdict. What did you guys decide?"

Lorelai stiffened, her coffee cup frozen in mid air between the table and her mouth. She slowly took a sip and set it back down on the table, staring at it for a moment. She figured Luke was probably looking at her like she was crazy, but when she looked up to answer him, all she saw in his eyes was concern and a little of what looked like…affection? She shook this thought away, then cleared her throat and said, "Rory has decided to go to S—"

"Luke! I have been trying to get ahold of you all afternoon!"

Luke spun around. "Nicole? What are you doing here?"

"I just told you. I've been trying to call you all afternoon! But since I was unable to reach you, I decided to come by to make sure you were alive."

Luke's initial annoyance and irritation faded when he noticed the genuine concern on her face. "I'm sorry, Nicole. I've been working non-stop since 5 AM because Cesar called in sick, so I've been running around like a crazy person trying to keep this place together until someone can come in and cover for him. You just caught me at the start of my first lull of the day. I left my phone upstairs or else I would have checked it. I didn't mean to worry you."

Nicole's face softened slightly. "I should've just called the diner. I don't know why that didn't occur to me. I'm sorry I overreacted."

Luke pulled her into a hug, and Nicole's demeanor thawed significantly. When they pulled apart, she was able to take in the scene before her, and she finally noticed Lorelai quietly eating her pie at the table next to them. Luke was unable to see the look of aggravation quickly flit across her face, but Lorelai could.

Under Nicole's intense gaze, Lorelai scarfed down the rest of her pie and gathered her things. "I'll talk to you later," she said as she rushed out of the diner. "Nice to see you, Nicole."

"You, too," Nicole replied politely.

"Lorelai, wait—" Luke called after her, but she was gone.

* * *

 Lorelai tried her best to make a plan to stay busy the next few weeks so she could have a good excuse for avoiding the diner. Normally, she would recruit Rory to be her top distractor, but Rory was already occupied, trying to avoid thinking about Jess's sudden departure by throwing herself even more intensely into studying for her finals. Lorelai's other means of distraction had always been to busy herself at work, but since she was essentially jobless, she was out of options. As it were, she could only hold out for a few days.

It wasn't just that she was not looking forward to telling Luke about Rory's college decision. She also didn't want to run the risk of bumping into Nicole again. Nicole had never really done anything to offend her, but everything the woman did seemed to rub her the wrong way, and, from what Lorelai had perceived, the feeling was entirely mutual. She really had tried to be kind and polite for Luke's sake, but nothing she did seemed to make things better, as evidenced by their frosty interaction at the Poe reading.

Once Luke had informed her of his first date blunder, Nicole's treatment of her made more sense. Even though Lorelai claimed to have never seen the big "it" in Luke's eyes everyone always pestered her about, she wasn't so blind she couldn't see that he genuinely cared for her and Rory; she knew he would always be there for them to the best of his ability. He had gone above and beyond for them countless times over the years. They had their rough patches, but even after their months long separation this past summer, somehow they both found their way back to each other. Since then, Lorelai felt like their connection had grown even stronger. But she didn't want to be a sore spot or cause problems in Luke and Nicole's relationship, so she resigned herself to the fact that she couldn't lean on Luke the way she always had, which made talking with him about her life at the moment even more difficult.

As she made her way to the diner that day, she thought about how she could discuss the topic of Rory's schooling without letting Luke know how much she was hurting. She had already slipped up during their last conversation, and since he somehow possessed the ability to read her like a book, she knew she would have to plan her words very carefully and be acutely aware of her facial expressions when she delivered the news.

She plastered a smile on her face when she walked in and took a seat at the counter. Luke emerged from the kitchen shortly after she arrived wearing his usual scowl, but his expression brightened when he saw her sitting there. He moved to grab her a mug and pour her some coffee.

"Whoa, no lecture?" she teased.

"You haven't been in for a few days, so I know you must be having some withdrawals. Wouldn't want you to pass out and bust your head on the counter."

Lorelai tried not to blush. She had hoped he wouldn't really notice her absence. "Um, yeah it's just been a busy few days. You know, with Rory graduating and trying to get things sorted out with the Dragonfly..."

"How's that going?"

"How's what going?" Lorelai asked, afraid of which topic he would choose.

"The Dragonfly stuff. What all have you heard?"

"Well, Fran left it to whatever living relatives she had left. Turns out that's a nephew or grand-nephew or something in Arizona who has no interest in handling an old property in New England."

"That's good, right?"

"For the most part, yeah. There are a bunch of legal hoops everyone has to jump through before we can do anything, and we have no idea how long it could take. I've heard the word 'probate' so much it's lost all meaning to me. But once he is eligible to make the sale, we are at the top of the list."

"Well, that sounds promising. Don't worry too much about it all—everything will work out," he said, patting her arm.

Lorelai smiled at him, enjoying the warmth of his hand, but he removed it quickly to take care of some customers who had approached the register to pay. Lorelai pushed away the feeling of disappointment bubbling up inside of her.

Luke returned to his spot in front of her and refilled her half empty cup. "Never thought I would be glad to see you drinking coffee. You had me worried for a minute last time you came in. I guess whatever was bugging you worked itself out?"

Lorelai took a long sip of her drink, shaking her head noncommittally. Luke just stared at her, unsatisfied with that answer.

"What?" she asked, feigning ignorance as she set her mug back on the counter.

"You sure everything's okay? I know you're probably having a hard time with Rory graduating. I figured that was why you were acting weird last time you were here."

Lorelai stared at her mug, contemplating taking another sip _. Maybe if I take another drink, someone else will come in, and he will have to leave to serve them,_  she thought.

She knew he wouldn't continue pressing her if she didn't answer, but she also knew he would grow even more concerned if she continued dodging his questions. She felt stuck between not wanting to burden him with her problems and not wanting to tell him a lie.

She took a deep breath, then looked up at him. "You're right. It has been hard thinking about her graduation. I really can't believe she's 18 and ready to go off and conquer the world. Doesn't it seem like yesterday that she was in fairy wings, inviting you to her caterpillar's funeral?" It wasn't the whole truth, but it wasn't a lie either.

Luke chuckled. "I can't believe she roped me into that thing. But she gave me those sad doe eyes and I knew I was a goner."

"Well, she learned from the best," Lorelai said with a wink. Luke smiled, and the two of them sat in silence with their eyes locked one another, and Lorelai noticed the affection she had seen a few days prior. She quickly averted her gaze and took another sip of her coffee.

Luke cleared his throat uncomfortably. "So, uh, speaking of Rory's graduation, you didn't get a chance to answer my question the other day. Where did Rory decide to go to school?"

Lorelai shifted uncomfortably in her seat, trying to buy herself a moment to compose her thoughts. She opened her mouth to answer him just as a tourist family entered the diner. He looked at her apologetically, but she waved him off and said, "It's fine. We'll talk later. Can I get one of these to go?"

Luke handed her a to go cup and watched her leave. He frowned at her retreating back, wondering what was causing her to feel so uneasy, confused as to why she had started avoiding conversation with him. They didn't often have heart-to-hearts, but he liked to think they both knew the other would be there if either of them really needed it. He racked his brain trying to think of something he may have said to upset her, or for something she may have said in passing that was bothering her but came up with nothing. It wasn't until that evening as he closed up the diner that something occurred to him. Before Nicole had burst in a few days earlier, Lorelai had started to tell him where Rory was planning on going to school, and he now remembered that it had started with an S. Not an H for Harvard. Not a Y for Yale. Not even a P for Princeton.

_But where else could she be going?_  he wondered. He tried to think of other places the girls had talked about. The only other place he could think of that was an Ivy League school was Columbia, which clearly did not start with S. He felt a twinge of sadness when he realized he could have asked Jess if he was still there, or if he knew how to contact him without going through Liz. He made a mental note to get more solid contact information from Jess the next time they spoke, though he was unsure when that might be.

Luke made sure to call Nicole after he closed the diner that evening, something he had made a point to do since their misunderstanding a few days earlier. While Nicole was relaying the events of her day to him, he suddenly thought of something.

"Hey, you do a lot of researching type stuff, right? Or you have in the past?"

"Yes. You don't get a law degree without having a thorough knowledge of good research practices," Nicole joked.

"What's the best way to do it? Do you use a computer?"

"I use the computers we have at the office, yes. Or I use my laptop. Why? Do you need to borrow it? What are you researching?"

Luke hesitated, uncertain if telling her the truth would cause friction between them. "Um, no. I don't need to use your laptop. You must need it a lot for work, so I couldn't ask you to do that."

"Well, I'm sure there are computers at the local library if you're really interested in doing some research. If they don't have them in Stars Hollow, I know they have some in Hartford."

"Oh, yeah. Sure. I'll go and check those out tomorrow. Thanks for the advice."

They talked for a little while longer before saying their goodbyes, and Luke was surprised Nicole did not inquire further about the nature of his research. He told himself it was better this way; he didn't want to upset her or start a fight. He promised himself if she asked about his research project again, he would be more forthcoming. After all, it was just a simple online search to figure out what college Rory had chosen to attend; he really had nothing to hide. Luke knew he could have continued to wait for Lorelai to tell him, but considering how evasive she had been the last week or so, he doubted she would divulge the information until she absolutely had to. But he couldn't wait that long; he needed to know now.


	4. A Suitable Valedictory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke discovers Lorelai and Rory's secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter title is a song by The Scene Aesthetic

During the mid-morning lull the following day, Luke called to Cesar that he was going out for a bit, and headed for the library. He was not great with computers, so he asked one of the library workers to assist him with his search. He followed the woman's instructions and typed "ivy league schools" into the search bar. He frowned as he scrolled through the results and read the names of the schools he didn't know: Brown, Cornell, Dartmouth, University of Pennsylvania — none of these started with an S. His next thought was to look up universities that started with S, but he groaned when he saw the length of the list; there was no way he could work through them all and figure it out. He let out a small grunt of frustration, unsure of where to look next. He decided to go for broke and searched, "best colleges in America," and as luck would have it, the answer appeared on his screen.

"Stanford?" he whispered to himself as he scanned the page. When he saw the location of the school, his heart dropped to his stomach.

_California_.

He suddenly felt light-headed. He quickly exited out of the browser and rushed out of the library, mumbling a thank-you to the librarian as he left. Once he was outside, he laced his hands behind his head and tried to breathe deeply.

_California_.

The fact that he was reacting so strongly to this discovery made his heart ache for his friend. He knew Lorelai had struggled with the idea of Rory ending up just two hours away at Harvard, so he couldn't even imagine how much she was hurting having to deal with the reality of Rory being across the country for the next four years.

_California_.

Luke started back toward the diner. How was he supposed to make it through the day with this weighing on him? He glanced at his watch, mentally calculating how long he had until the lunch rush started. Convinced that he had enough time, he walked to Doose's and grabbed a basket, throwing in every disgusting thing he knew Lorelai loved. When he exited, he noticed a BMW parked near the diner, and at the same moment, his cell phone began to ring.

"Hello?"

"Luke? Where are you? I'm meeting with Taylor today, so I said we could have lunch, remember? You didn't forget did you?" Nicole asked, her voice tinged with disappointment.

He  _had_  forgotten their lunch date. He had been so wrapped up in figuring out what was going on with Lorelai and Rory the last few days many things had slipped his mind. "Uh, no. I didn't forget. I just had to run to Doose's to, uh, grab some supplies. I'm on my way back now."

"Well, I don't have too long. Hurry back!"

As he walked back to the diner, he realized his "supplies" were his bag of junk food for Lorelai. Rather than have to explain these purchases to Nicole, he snuck around to his truck and placed them in the bed.

His lunch date with Nicole was actually pleasant, which made him feel even more guilty for forgetting about it. Times like these reminded him why he had asked her out in the first place: she was smart, she was funny, and she genuinely seemed to enjoy spending time with him.

Nicole asked very little of him in their relationship, other than the occasional black tie event for her firm. There were times she pushed him outside of his comfort zone in other ways, taking him to fancy restaurants and the theatre, which he was uncomfortable with at first, but over time, he came to appreciate and enjoy these experiences. They weren't things he would want to do every day, which Nicole seemed to understand, so they made sure to counterbalance these luxurious evenings with simple nights at the movies and the diner.

But despite all of these things, he couldn't take his mind off of Lorelai throughout lunch. Though he really was enjoying his time with Nicole, he couldn't help but feel like he had better things to do. All he could think about doing was running over to his friend's house with the treats he had purchased and talking with her.

Nicole checked her watch and informed him she had to get back to work. She kissed him goodbye and thanked him for lunch. Luke let out a sigh of resignation as he watched her go, and wondered how long she would wait before confronting him about how distracted he had been lately. He wasn't intentionally trying to put their relationship on the back burner, but it was what always seemed to happen when it came to Lorelai. He knew it wasn't fair to Nicole, especially at this point in their relationship, so he made a promise to himself to work harder to put Nicole first…after he took care of the situation with Lorelai.

Once Nicole drove away, Luke returned to his truck to retrieve Lorelai's bag of goodies and walked over to her house. When he arrived, he saw that her Jeep was not parked out front. He knocked anyway, just to make sure she was gone, wondering where she would be this time of day.

_Rory is at school, and she can't be at the Independence…_ Luke scratched his head as he walked back down her steps, trying to think where Lorelai could be. It hit him about halfway between her house and the diner. He covered the remaining distance to the diner quickly, hopping in his truck and driving out of town.  _Just because she can't be at the Independence doesn't mean she isn't._

His suspicions were confirmed when he saw her Jeep in front of the Inn. He peeked inside the lobby but didn't see her. "Lorelai?" She didn't answer. He was relieved she wasn't inside; he was afraid of what could happen to her if she was alone in the somewhat unstable building.

He walked around the grounds and spotted the potting shed with its door ajar.

"Lorelai? Are you in there?" he called shortly before he reached the building. No answer. Luke looked inside the shed and saw her sitting on the floor, facing away from him, lost in thought. He approached her cautiously, debating whether or not he should touch her to get her attention. He decided against it so he didn't startle her too much. He cleared his throat loudly. Lorelai jumped a little and whipped around, surprised at her visitor.

"Luke? What are you doing here? And…what are you holding?"

Luke went and sat down beside her, offering the bag. Lorelai peered inside and gave him a small smile. "What's all this for?"

Luke wasn't sure what to say or what to do with his hands. He wanted to take her into his arms and tell her it was all going to be okay, and that he would be there with her every step of the way to provide her with whatever comfort and support she needed. But he knew that would be unwise, so he removed his cap and scratched his head to keep his hands busy. Lorelai was giving him a quizzical look.

"Luke?"

He placed the cap back on his head and stared at the ground. "I know about Rory." He glanced up at her to gauge her reaction.

Lorelai's eyes widened just a fraction. "Um, what about Rory?"

Luke could feel his frustration level already beginning to rise. Why was she refusing to be open with him about this? Why was she making him work so hard to pry this information out of her? He kept his gaze directly on her. "You know what about. I know she's going to Stanford. I know she's moving to California."

Lorelai's mouth hung open slightly. "How…how did you figure it out?"

Luke shrugged. "Yesterday, I remembered when you started to tell me about it last week. You were about to say it, but you only got to the S. So I went to the library and used a search engine to figure it out."

Lorelai was stunned. Luke remembered a tiny, almost imperceptible detail about a conversation they'd had almost a week ago? He went to the library and used a computer to put the pieces together?

"I can't believe you did all that. And I really can't believe you bought all this junk that you hate," she said quietly, looking down into the bag.

Acting on an impulse, Luke put his hand on top of hers. "I knew you would need to wallow."

Lorelai's heart was pounding in her chest; she was sure Luke could hear her heartbeat, and she thought it would be impossible for him not to feel the electricity passing between his hand and hers. They made eye contact once again and immediately jerked their hands apart. Lorelai busied herself with the contents of the Doose's bag.

"Um, Luke. Not that I have any room to be particular about this thoughtful gift but, um…why is the chocolate almost melted?"

Luke groaned. "Ah geez! I left it in the bed of my truck during lunch. I didn't even think about anything melting. I'll go buy you something better—"

"Luke, no! This is fine. I kinda like it melt-y anyway." Lorelai smiled. "But if you don't mind me asking, why would you leave a bag of sweets in your truck in the middle of May?"

Luke's hesitation gave Lorelai her answer. She busied herself with the bag again. "How are things going with you and Nicole?"

Luke visibly flinched, reminded of his earlier thoughts. "Things are fine."

"Wow 'fine,' huh? Does Shakespeare know about you? You might give him a run for his money with the love sonnets."

Luke bristled, feeling defensive. "Nicole has just been busy with work, and I've been busy with…" he trailed off.

Lorelai felt a pang of sympathy for her friend. "I'm sorry about Jess," she said softly.

He waved her off. "Nothing I can do about it now."

"Where did he end up? Did he stay with his mom in New York?"

"For now. Jess isn't exactly his mom's biggest fan, so I don't see that lasting long."

"I'm so sorry you have had to deal with that, Luke. You did the best you could; I hope you know that."

"Yeah…" Luke replied doubtfully.

Lorelai cleared her throat awkwardly. "And, um…I'm glad things are going well with Nicole. You deserve to be happy."

"Oh. Uh, thanks."

The two sat quietly while Lorelai pulled a couple of items from the bag, trying to decide what to snack on first. She examined a bag of marshmallows and popped one in her mouth.

"So, uh…how are you taking this Stanford thing?" Luke asked.

Lorelai swallowed. "I'm…" She couldn't find the words; how could she possibly explain the pain and anxiety she was feeling without having a meltdown?

She didn't realize tears had already started silently falling down her cheeks until Luke raised a hand to brush them away. "Lorelai?"

The intimacy of the gesture reminded her that this was one of the times she shouldn't be leaning on Luke or relying on him for comfort. But she had kept her feelings about Rory leaving so bottled up, she couldn't help but crumple into his arms, resting her head in the crook of his neck.

Luke stroked her hair soothingly and gently rubbed her arm. After a minute he asked, "Anything I can do?"

Lorelai sniffled. "You know, there are very few times in my life when I find myself sitting around thinking, 'I wish I was married,' but lately, I mean — I'm happy. You know? I like my life. I like my friends. I like my stuff. My time, my space, my TV."

"Yeah, sure."

"But every now and then, just for a moment, I wish I had a partner, someone to pick up the slack. Someone to wait for the cable guy, make me coffee in the morning, be there to support me when my kid is not only going away to college, but away to California. I thought I had everything under control, but I don't, and everything is falling apart. Harvard was our dream forever, and we had it! It was right there, and now it's gone — she's gone. And if the inn ever gets started, I'll never have time to see my kid. Hell, forget see her, just even talk to her. I'm gonna miss her. I would've missed her no matter what, but she's going to be 3,000 miles away. I can't handle it! I don't know what to do…I don't know what to do…" Lorelai buried herself into his shoulder once more.

Luke resumed stroking her hair and rubbing her arm. "Hey…it's okay. It'll all be okay…"

_It's not okay,_  Lorelai thought miserably, but she was still grateful for Luke's comfort and support. She tried to ignore the gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach, and the voice in her head telling her this was not right.

_He's just being a good friend,_  she reasoned.

_He hid the care package from Nicole._

_He didn't want to start a fight._

_How would you feel if he hid things from you in a relationship?_

The thought sobered her quickly. "I need to go," Lorelai said, standing to leave. "I have to, um, get home. For a phone call. Fran's nephew and his lawyer are calling soon. Lots to discuss."

"Oh, yeah. Sure. I'll see you tomorrow?"

Lorelai didn't reply. She simply gave him a small wave as she walked out of the shed, leaving Luke feeling very confused about what just transpired.

* * *

The following day, Rory came into the diner. "Hey, Luke."

"Hey, Rory. You alone? You want two cups to-go?"

Rory bit her lip uncertainly. "Um, actually, I want it to stay. I was hoping I could talk with you for a minute. If you're not too busy."

Luke looked around the sparsely filled diner. "Yeah, I think I can take a minute. It's about time for the mid-morning lull. Don't be offended if I have to get up to take care of some customers, though."

Rory smiled, her eyes twinkling, "Don't worry Luke. Unlike other members of my family, I understand that this is your place of business."

Luke chuckled and leaned up against the counter casually. "What's on your mind?"

She hesitated, and suddenly Luke was filled with dread.  _What if she wants to talk about Jess?_  he wondered fretfully. His mind was racing with explanations and excuses when she spoke, "You found out about Stanford."

The fear he was feeling dissipated, replaced instead by discomfort. "So, uh…I guess you talked to your mom?"

"Not exactly. But I know you guys talked, and something happened, which is why I'm here alone talking to you."

"Is she mad or something?" Luke asked worriedly. He knew Lorelai was upset; he just didn't think it was with him.

"No, nothing like that. She's…embarrassed."

"Embarrassed? About what?"

"I don't know exactly. She didn't give me any details, but whatever she said or did, she's apparently mortified by it. Would you mind…could you tell me what happened?"

"Ah geez, Rory…" Luke rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "It's not my place to say. You really should talk to your mom about this."

"Please, Luke? If something's really bothering her, I know she won't tell me the whole truth. She'll lie because she thinks I won't be able to tell. If she's upset, she won't want me to know. Please?" Rory gave him her biggest puppy dog eyes.

"Ah, geez…" he said again. He was helpless against the puppy dog eyes. "Your mom…she's pretty upset about you going to Stanford."

Rory's face fell. "Is she mad?"

"No…" Luke paused. "Rory…I mean….surely you know she's heartbroken."

Rory looked away guiltily. She sat quietly for a moment, staring down at her coffee cup the same way her mother had. When she finally looked back up at him, he could see the moisture glistening in her eyes. "Do you think I'm terrible?" she practically whispered.

Luke wanted to leap over the counter and envelop her in a hug, but he restrained himself, and simply gave her a look of understanding. "Rory, I would never think that."

She choked back a small sob and gave him a grateful smile. "Thank you."

"No thanks needed." Luke walked down the counter and grabbed a muffin from the platter. He placed it in front of her and asked, "How're  _you_  doin' with this whole thing?"

"Can't you tell? I'm overjoyed," she replied sarcastically as she took a bite of her muffin. She chewed it thoughtfully, trying to find the right words. "Truthfully, part of me is really excited. But another part of me is worried that I made the wrong choice. Maybe I should've just gone to Yale and made everyone happy — lived up to the family legacy. All the Gilmore's have gone to Yale, and I know my mom would've gone had things panned out differently for her. "

Luke shrugged. "Maybe it's a good thing you're going to a different school than the rest of your family. You'll be doing your own thing, starting your own tradition. That's kind of exciting, right? Isn't that what kids do in college?"

"I'm so glad to hear you say that — it's exactly what I have been thinking. I never wanted to disappoint anyone with my choice, but that's the thing: it's my choice. I mean, you know how much I love my grandparents, but I feel like this is my chance to really do my own thing. As scary as it is to leave my home and my mom, diving into the unknown like this is kind of thrilling. Even if I fail, at least I can say I tried."

"You won't fail," Luke told her confidently. "You're a Gilmore girl."

Rory blushed. "Thanks, Luke." She drank the last of her coffee and stood up to leave, digging in her pockets for cash.

Luke waved her off. "Valedictorians are on the house."

Rory's blush deepened. She started to walk to the door, but Luke stopped her. He walked around to the front of the counter, pulled her into a tight hug and whispered, "I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you for understanding," she replied softly. "I'll see you at graduation."

"The 28th at 4?"

"The 28th at 4," Rory confirmed

She exited the diner and headed home, and Luke felt a lump forming in his throat as he watched her go. The girl had grown up right before his eyes, and he couldn't help but feel a little like he was losing her, too.


	5. Full Freakin' Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory shares her college news with her grandparents

Rory's stomach was in knots the entire drive to Hartford. It was the Friday night before her graduation, which meant it was finally time for her to inform her grandparents of her college selection. Truth be told, she was a little surprised the elder Gilmore's had not pressed her more insistently about which school she had selected, especially considering the deadline to reserve her spot at Yale had passed a month earlier. But neither of them had uttered a word to her about college since the Thanksgiving debacle, and for that, she was grateful.

"Hey," Lorelai's voice came from the driver's seat, "It's gonna be okay, kid. Your grandparents love you, and they will support you no matter what."

"Who are you and what have you done with my mother?"

Lorelai smiled kindly at her daughter. "I know that sounds crazy coming from me. But you're their pride and joy; nothing you could ever do would disappoint them, other than of getting pregnant outside of wedlock before you finish school."

"Ugh, mom…" Rory groaned.

"Just be glad they haven't tried to set you up with one of the sons of the Hartford Elite. That's probably another good thing about not going to Yale: there's no way Richard or Emily can setup your social calendar or arrange marriages for you."

"Yeah, that was definitely at the top of my list," Rory joked.

"It's gonna be fine. I promise."

"I just don't want this to cause any problems. I feel like things have been so good lately."

Rory's anxiety over the situation concerned Lorelai. "Are you really worried about upsetting them? Or are you worried they will be upset with me?"

"…Both. I don't want them to think you tried to keep me from Yale or something. I doubt they have forgotten about what happened when we took that tour or what you said at Thanksgiving. They don't know about our pro/con lists or the long talks we had about it. I'm afraid they'll be upset with me and mad at you."

"Oh, kid. You worry too much; you know that? Everything will be fine. I think we can both agree that they probably won't be popping open the champagne right away, but deep down they will be happy for you. They are so proud of everything you have done, and this is no different."

"Yeah…" Rory was not convinced.

"Even if they are furious and outraged, we are leaving for Europe next Thursday. You'll only have to see them one more time after tonight; then we will be Richard and Emily free for six weeks. That will give them plenty of time to come around."

"I guess you're right."

"Uh, yeah. When are you going to learn I am always right? God willing, they'll teach you that at Stanford."

Rory laughed. Her nervousness had not gone away completely, but she felt much more relaxed.

_Maybe it won't be so bad after all,_ she thought hopefully.

Other than Richard serving "Johnny Machete," dinner was perfectly ordinary. Everyone was pleasant, the conversation flowed easily, and the food was surprisingly tasty. Instead of making Rory feel more at ease, though, the merriment only caused the butterflies in her stomach to get worse. Lorelai successfully kept the focus on herself for a bit, chattering away about the plans she had for the Dragonfly once it had been purchased. But after a while, Richard turned his attention to Rory.

"So, Rory, what's new in your life?"

Rory froze. "Um, well, funny you should mention it. I'm sure you realize that I got my college acceptance letters awhile back. I got into Harvard, Princeton, and Yale."

"That's wonderful!" Emily exclaimed.

Rory nodded. "Yeah, it's very exciting. I, um, also applied to UPenn, Rice, Notre Dame, and Stanford, just as backups."

"Turns out, everyone wants our girl!" Lorelai added.

Rory continued, "I don't know that I would put it that way, but, yeah, I did get accepted to those schools, too."

Emily and Richard looked at one another across the table, both trying and failing to conceal their alarm. After the briefest of silences, Richard cleared his throat, "Well done, Rory."

Rory smiled at him uncomfortably. "Thank you, Grandpa. Now, I know you wanted me to go to Yale, and I very seriously considered it. But after giving it a lot of thought, I have decided I'm going to Stanford."

Silence. The room was so still Rory began to wonder if time had stopped altogether.

The intensity of the quiet made Lorelai's voice seem almost too loud when she finally spoke. "Mom, Dad, look, I know we've had our differences over where Rory should go to school, but that's behind us now. She's going to Stanford, and that's good. Really good."

"Nothing but smiles," Rory added.

"We're both very happy about it."

"Both."

"Her and me."

"She and I."

"Everybody in this room named Lorelai is over the moon about the 'going to Stanford.'"

"Which means that everybody else in this room not named Lorelai can be equally over the moon about the 'going to Stanford.' Go Cardinals! Or was it the Trees? I couldn't quite figure that one out based on the brochures," Rory babbled nervously.

Silence.

Rory had not expected her grandparents to be thrilled with this news, but she had expected  _some_  kind of reaction. She gave her mother a panicked look, but Lorelai just gave her a small shrug.

At long last, Emily broke the silence. "That's wonderful, Rory," she repeated her earlier words crisply and without looking up from her plate.

The group continued to eat without a word.

Rory could not have been more relieved when the meal was over. As she and her mother made their way to the front door, Emily said, "Lorelai, may we speak with you for a moment?"

_Uh oh,_  Rory thought.

"Go wait in the car, hon. I'll be out in a sec," Lorelai said, squeezing her daughter's hand in reassurance.

Once the door closed behind Rory, Emily looked sharply at Lorelai. "What kind of mother are you to allow this to happen?"

"Excuse me?" Lorelai asked incredulously.

"Lorelai Victoria Gilmore, I've watched you do a lot of stupid things in your life, and I have held my tongue."

Lorelai scoffed. "You've  _what?"_

Emily continued as though Lorelai had not spoken at all, "But I will not stand by and let you allow that girl to ruin her life."

"I'm sorry — how exactly is going to Stanford ruining her life?"

"Surely you can't be serious, Lorelai," Richard chimed in. "Stanford? It might as well be a public school. Why on earth would Rory want to go to school in California?"

"Oh, California! Don't even get me started. Rory has no business attending school in that filthy, hippie haven," Emily said dramatically.

"What do you think is gonna happen, Mom? Do you think in all of Rory's spare time she's going to join a commune and come home for the summer saying things like, 'Yeah man, pass the peyote'?"

"Who knows what Rory would or would not do anymore! I certainly never would have thought she would even  _consider_  attending a school like Stanford, but here we are! How could you let her do this?"

"What is it that's so wrong with Stanford, Mom?" Lorelai challenged. "Is it that it's not number one in the country in  _every single_ area of academia? Or is it that it's so far out of your reach that you can't use your influence to manipulate things to your liking?"

"Lorelai, really!" Richard scolded.

"She's going ruin everything just like you did!" Emily spat.

"No, she's not! No, she's not! Rory is a good kid, Mom! She's not like me."

"You think nothing will change while she's across the country for the next four years? Don't be ridiculous! You're going to lose her! You're going to lose her just like I lost you!"

Lorelai shook her head. "I am not going to lose her. Do you hear me? Even if I hadn't gotten pregnant, you still would have lost me. I had nothing in this house. I had no life. I had no air. You strangled me. I do not strangle Rory. I let her make this decision on her own. I did not force her hand or try and guilt her into staying with me. I gave her room to breathe, to forge her own path, which I was never given."

"Oh, you're so perfect, and I was so horrible. I put you in good schools. I gave you the best of everything. I made sure you had the finest opportunities. And I am so tired of hearing about how you were suffocated, and I was so controlling. Well if I was so controlling why couldn't I control you running around getting pregnant and throwing your life away?"

"Emily!" Richard exclaimed.

"I don't need this. I'm leaving." Lorelai stormed toward the door.

"You most certainly are not! We are in the middle of a discussion!"

"You call this a discussion? Yelling at me and telling me I threw my life away? Open your eyes, Mom. This is a life. It has a little color in it, so it may look a little unfamiliar to you, but it's a life. My daughter was accepted to seven of the greatest universities in the  _entire_   _country,_  and you're telling me what an awful mother I am? Maybe I was some horrible, uncontrollable child like you say, but Rory isn't. She's smart and careful, and I trust her. She's gonna be fine, and if you can't accept that or believe it, then I don't have to stay in this house!"

"Yes, run away! Run away to your beloved town with its carnies and misfits. Tell them how your intolerable mother yelled at you at one of the terrible dinners you're forced to attend. They can all console you and tell you what a witch I am and how perfect you are!"

Lorelai yanked the door open and slammed it shut behind her. She took a deep, steadying breath to calm her racing heart and to keep the tears that were forming at bay.

"Mom?" Rory called to her from the car.

Lorelai pulled herself together as she walked to the driver's side of the vehicle.

"Mom?" Rory repeated. "Is everything okay?"

Lorelai started the car and drove away. As much as she wished she could be honest with her daughter, she knew in this case, the truth would not only hurt Rory but would drive a wedge between her and her grandparents. Despite her own issues with Richard and Emily, Lorelai would never want to jeopardize the bond Rory had with them. Even in the early years after she had run away, she made sure her parents had some semblance of a relationship with their granddaughter.

The relationship Lorelai shared with Rory was incredibly precious and special. She liked to say she and Rory were best friends first and mother and daughter second. She knew from experience that almost no other parents had that kind of relationship with their child, so it was times like these when Lorelai had to work very hard to be the parent and just let Rory be the kid.

Rory had been a precocious child, which had led to her becoming a teenager who was wise beyond her years. Because of this, Lorelai knew Rory would realize the conversation that has just taken place was more serious than she would ever let on. Nonetheless, Lorelai felt it was her duty to shield Rory from the darkest parts of Richard and Emily.

"Mom?"

Lorelai sighed. "Everything is fine, sweets. I won't lie and say they are thrilled about your college choice, but they are just worried about you going away."

"Why couldn't they just say that to me? Why did Grandma want to talk with you alone?"

"Because they don't want you to think they don't support you," Lorelai explained, knowing there was a grain of truth in that statement. "Surprisingly enough, they stayed very quiet and didn't push you about Yale. I think in their minds, they thought it would take the pressure off of you, and help you see that Yale was the best choice."

"Well, they weren't wrong, necessarily. You know Yale was one of my top choices. It's just…" Rory trailed off.

Lorelai gave her a look of understanding. "I know, kid."

They drove in silence for a few minutes before Rory spoke again. "What did they say to you?"

"Nothing. They just wanted to know why you chose Stanford, and they asked how we had come to that decision."

"That's it?" Rory probed.

"I mean, they let me know how disappointed they were that you didn't choose Yale. But they didn't really say anything that I wasn't expecting."

"You think they're disappointed in me?"

"No, hon. Absolutely not. They're disappointed that you didn't choose Yale. I told you earlier: they could  _never_  be disappointed in you. Just give them some time to process. Come Wednesday they'll be dressed in Cardinal red. You'll see."

Lorelai's words seemed to put Rory at ease for the time being, and they continued the rest of the drive with The Smiths providing the only background noise.

* * *

"Mom?" Rory asked when they arrived home. "Can I ask you a question and you promise not to get mad?"

"With a lead in like that, how could I not?"

"I just…" Rory hesitated. "Since Grandma and Grandpa are not really on board with Stanford, and with the Dragonfly getting started, and with the fire at the Inn…I was just wondering…I mean…how are we paying for my school? I know I got some financial aid scholarships, but can we afford to pay the difference?"

Lorelai had actually expected Rory to approach her about this sooner. "Oh, kid. I don't want you to worry. I've been saving for your college since you were a baby, so there's a little money. That by itself would only cover some of it, but your grandpa gave me that investment check a few weeks ago, which will be more than enough to cover the remaining balance for a while."

"But Mom, you were saving that for the Dragonfly! And you were going to use some of it to pay Grandma and Grandpa back, weren't you?"

"Well, sweets, the Dragonfly is still in limbo right now. Who knows how long it will be before it's really available to us? It could take years for all of this to get resolved, so I wouldn't feel right hanging onto this money when you need it for school. As far as your grandparents go, I'm still planning on paying them back, but in small increments, so they don't feel pushed out of our lives. Although…" Lorelai paused, trying to figure out a way to avoid saying too much about her conversation with Richard and Emily. "I mean, given their general displeasure with the Stanford thing, they are probably feeling a little excluded anyway, so I can wait a little longer to start repaying them."

Rory frowned, but Lorelai reassured her, "I promise they'll come around sweets. It was just a shock to them, and their pride is damaged, so they'll need some time to recover. I guarantee once they understand how great this is, they'll be contacting their travel agent to book a trip to California ASAP, just so they can give you information on the best Stanford and the surrounding area has to offer."

Rory knew her mother was not being completely truthful with her regarding her grandparents, but she knew better than to continue to press her with anything concerning Richard and Emily. Although she was grateful for Lorelai's protection, Rory wished her mother would let her carry some of the heavy load she was undoubtedly bearing. But that had never been the way Lorelai did things, and Rory accepted it. At this point in her life, Rory understood that the best way to help her mother was to just let things go and move on until she was told otherwise. It wasn't always the most healthy way to deal with things, but the two of them managed to make it work.

After they had changed out of their nice attire, the girls popped a movie into their aging VHS player; both relieved to have a distraction from their current life stresses.


	6. I've Got No Strings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory's graduation day proves to be an emotional day for everyone

When Lorelai and Rory entered the diner a few days later with their backpacks in tow, Luke did his best to hold his tongue while he moved the heavy packs out of the way.

Lorelai watched him closely. "Look at that."

"Spry and accommodating," Rory observed.

"Hey, would you grow a mustache and follow us around Europe?"

Luke shook his head. "Sorry, got travel plans of my own."

Lorelai was surprised. Luke? Traveling? "Really?"

"Yup, I'm letting Cesar run the diner for a while so I can take Nicole on a little trip."

"A trip?" Rory repeated.

"Intimate," Lorelai said.

Luke shrugged. "I guess."

Lorelai tried to hide her disapproval, but Luke still took notice. "What?"

"A trip is a good time to get down on one knee, that's all."

"And do my ventriloquist act?"

"And propose," Lorelai said flatly.

Luke just stared at her, not saying a word. Lorelai continued talking, "You think it sounds crazy now, but after you've had dinner at some romantic spot and somebody's served you up a couple of mojitos..."

Rory nodded. "Romantic trips say commitment, my friend."

"So what's wrong with a little commitment?" Luke asked. "I'm not planning on proposing, but Nicole and I have been together a while, and I haven't been, uh, as attentive as I should have since…" he trailed off, not wanting to mention Jess's departure in front of Rory. "…just, uh, for a couple of months, so I thought an Alaskan cruise would be a nice way to make it up to her and let her know I'm really in this."

Lorelai snorted. "And you're going on this cruise, too? Really?"

Luke gave her a look of annoyance. "Yes, Lorelai. I will be going on the cruise I planned for me and my girlfriend."

"I'm sorry. It's just…an Alaskan cruise doesn't exactly scream, 'Luke' to me."

"Well, I'm open to trying something new. I didn't think I would like the Broadway thing, and I ended up enjoying that. Besides, it's not like I'm going to live on the boat, and I think it's something Nicole will enjoy."

Lorelai shrugged. "Whatever you say."

"I do. Now, what are you ordering?"

Lorelai wrinkled her nose and looked at Rory. "Are you hungry?"

Rory shook her head. "No, I'm just sore."

"Let's go home and rest, then."

"Don't leave these here!" Luke called after them.

"Store them for us! Thanks, Luke!"

"They better come back for these. I'm not a storage and delivery service," Luke grumbled to himself as he lugged the packs into the storage room.

* * *

Rory's graduation day finally arrived. Jackson and Luke "ooh-ed" and "ahh-ed" over Chilton's stunning architecture while Sookie and Lorelai found seats for them.

"Didn't you say your parents were coming? Should we save them a seat?" Sookie asked.

Lorelai shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think they would miss this, but I'm pretty sure they don't particularly want to be around me right now. I'm sure they'll sneak in the back, offer their congratulations afterwards, and then give an excuse for a quick exit. There's probably a social engagement on their calendar they just cannot miss."

Sookie nodded her understanding. "I'll keep an eye out for them and let you know."

But as soon as the ceremony began, all eyes were on Rory. When it was time for her speech, Lorelai's eyes filled with tears as she listened to her daughter talk about the two worlds in which she grew up. At the mention of Richard and Emily, Lorelai subtly craned her neck to scan the crowd for her parents. She spotted them in the far back corner, and even at a distance, she could tell they were beaming with pride.

When she heard her own name, she snapped her head back around.

"My mother never gave me any idea that I couldn't do whatever I wanted to do or be whomever I wanted to be. She filled our house with love and fun and books and music, unflagging in her efforts to give me role models from Jane Austen to Eudora Welty to Patti Smith. As she guided me through these incredible 18 years, I don't know if she ever realized that the person I most wanted to be was her. Thank you, Mom. You are my guidepost for everything."

"Not crying," Sookie whispered in a choked voice.

"Crying a little," Lorelai replied, blown away by her daughter's thoughtful public gratitude.

Sookie struggled to hold it together. "On the verge of blubbering here…"

"Not doing too well, myself," Jackson said.

Lorelai looked down the row at Luke. "Not you, too!"

Luke sniffled and wiped his eyes. "I'm blubbering; you're all freaks!"

Lorelai smiled to herself, grateful for these people who cared so deeply for Rory and, she knew, for her, too.

* * *

At the conclusion of the ceremony, Sookie and Jackson left to set up for Rory's graduation party, while Luke and Lorelai met up with Rory just inside the entrance to Chilton.

"Mom!" Rory called as she ran over to them. Lorelai pulled her in for a tight hug. "How was my speech?"

"It made everyone cry, even stone cold Luke," Lorelai informed her.

Rory smiled at him. "Luke, you old softie."

Luke groaned. "I'm never gonna live this down…"

"Not with me in your life," Lorelai assured him.

"I'm sorry, Rory, but I have to go. I gotta check in at the diner before the party."

"Thank you for coming, Luke. I'm so glad you were here."

"Oh, sure. The building's amazing, and so are you." Luke was surprised at how emotional he felt as he wrapped Rory in a warm embrace.

"Thank you," Rory said quietly. When she pulled away, she saw Richard and Emily standing off to the side. "I'm going to go say hello to Grandma and Grandpa."

Lorelai watched Rory walk away, then turned to face Luke. "Thanks for coming, Luke. It meant a lot to her."

Luke shrugged. "It was fun."

"So if I don't see you, have fun on your cruise with Nicole," Lorelai said, trying to sound casual.

"Oh, we aren't going on a cruise now."

"What? You were really looking forward to it."

"I thought about what you said, about the cruise not being my style. I thought it would be something Nicole would like, so I was willing to try and make it work. Turns out, cruises aren't really her thing either, but she thought I was really excited about it, so she didn't say anything."

"Oh no…" Lorelai fretted.

"What?"

"It's because I teased you about the commitment thing and proposing. I ruined it."

"No, that's not it," Luke assured her.

"Please, promise me that's not it. It would break my heart."

"Lorelai, that's not it. We aren't going on the cruise, but we're still going on a vacation."

"Oh."

Luke looked at the ground and shuffled his feet nervously. "Yeah, I mean she deserves this after the last few months. So we talked about it, and we decided to take a ski trip in British Columbia for a few weeks, then spend the rest of the summer in the Pacific Northwest."

Lorelai raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Canada? Do you even have a passport?"

Luke nodded. "Applied for one when I first started planning the cruise, just to be safe. But I don't think you need one to go to Canada, anyway."

"You like her, a lot, don't you?" Lorelai asked quietly, not sure what she wanted his answer to be.

"Yeah, she's great."

"When will you be back?"

"Sometime in August."

"That's quite a trip."

"Yeah, it is."

"You think that's okay considering…I don't know…everything?" The words came out before Lorelai could stop herself.

Luke tilted his head to the side and gave her a confused look. "Everything?"

Lorelai didn't reply for a moment.

"Lorelai?" Luke prompted.

"Don't go!" she blurted.

"What?"

Lorelai looked at the crowd around her. Not wanting to draw attention to their conversation, she pulled Luke into a more private corner of the courtyard.

"I said…don't go."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because! I spent all this time thinking you were going on a short cruise only to find out you're going on a summer-long excursion."

"Why do you care how long I'm gone? You're going to be in Europe almost all summer with Rory. What difference does it make?"

"It makes a huge difference, Luke!"

"How?!" Luke was taken aback by Lorelai's strong reaction to this news.

"Because I don't want you to go."

"Why? Why don't you want me to go?"

"Because I need you. I need you here," Lorelai whispered.

"You're going to be gone! You're getting back right before I do, so you'll have to deal with Cesar's 'inferior' pancakes for five minutes, but once I get back, nothing will have changed. I'll see you every day, I'll pour your coffee, I'll serve your food. What's the big deal?"

"Everything will have changed. Don't you understand, Luke? I depend on you. Not just for the coffee or the pancakes. You're one of the most constant, stable things in my life. I need to know that you'll be here when I get back."

Luke suddenly understood her meaning. "Here for you, you mean."

"Yes," Lorelai breathed.

"So you want me to cancel my plans with my girlfriend because you 'need' me? So that I can comfort you when you're lonely? So that when Rory goes off to school, you have a shoulder to cry on? Good ole, Luke — what a pal! Always there when you need him."

"Luke, that's not —" Lorelai began, but Luke cut her off.

"I know you aren't Nicole's biggest fan, but I can't believe you would try and ruin this trip for us because you're feeling needy. Nicole doesn't deserve that, and frankly, I don't deserve it either."

Lorelai felt herself swell with indignation. "Is that really what you think about me? That I only need you when I'm feeling lonely or want a shoulder to cry on?"

Luke didn't respond, refusing to make eye contact with her. Lorelai shook her head. "Wow, Luke, that…that's not what I was trying to say at all. I'm sorry you feel like our friendship is so one-sided. I thought you knew me better than that."

Luke remained silent, feeling too stubborn and prideful to try and have a rational discussion with her.

Lorelai let out a defeated sigh. "Okay then. I guess I'll see you in a few months. Have a safe trip."

Luke's anger didn't subside as he watched her walk to her car, nor when he finally reached his own.

_Can you believe her?_  he fumed internally.  _She thinks you're just gonna sit around and wait for her while she's gallivanting around Europe? That you'll just come running like a puppy as soon as she calls? Ha!_

_Is that really what she was saying, though?_  a voice in the back of his mind challenged him.

_She as good as admitted it!_ he told himself.

_Do you really think she's that selfish?_

Luke pondered this as he drove back to Stars Hollow. He pulled in behind the diner and dashed upstairs before Cesar had the chance to pester him with more questions about running the diner. He should've checked in and headed toward Rory's graduation party, but the thought of being around Lorelai at the moment made his stomach churn.

After he entered his apartment, he collapsed onto the chair near his bedroom and closed his eyes, mentally replying his conversation with Lorelai.

_Do you really think she's that selfish?_  he asked himself again.

_No._  That was an easy answer. Lorelai had selfish tendencies at times, but she was never malicious, and she would never intentionally hurt anyone to get what she wanted, especially not him.

Rationally, Luke knew this, but he refused to acknowledge or consider the other possibility of what she could have meant.

_You have both felt it,_  the voice reminded him.  _Things have been different lately._

_She's just missing Rory. She's desperate for some stability and affection when everything around her is changing. Rory's leaving; I have Nicole. She's just scared of being alone._

_So what?_   _Does that make her feelings any less real?_  the voice protested.  _She_ needs _you. Give her a chance to explain herself when she gets back from Europe._

Luke shook his head. "No," he said aloud. "I'm done waiting."

He walked over to the fridge and grabbed a beer. He removed the top and took a long swig out of it.

_She may need me, but I don't need her. Not anymore. I have Nicole. I'm_  happy _with Nicole_.

He knew the residents of Stars Hollow, Lorelai among them, didn't approve of his relationship. But they only saw a small piece of a larger picture. In the time since he promised to make Nicole a priority, things had drastically improved between them. He realized Nicole's insecurities about Lorelai were not totally unfounded, so he sat down and had an honest conversation with her. Yes, he'd had feelings for Lorelai in the past, but it was nothing more than a crush, and the reason he asked Nicole out to begin with was because he decided he was ready to move forward with his life. Luke assured her that Lorelai was nothing more than a very close friend, and Rory was like a daughter to him. But he also let Nicole know he would not stop interacting with Lorelai just to appease her; he would not sacrifice one relationship for the sake of another. However, he did promise to start being better about putting their relationship first; thus, the vacation idea was born.

Sitting in his chair sipping his beer, Luke knew he had been too hard on Lorelai, but he couldn't bring himself to apologize—not yet. He just needed some time and some space to get his head on straight. He wanted to focus on Nicole and their upcoming trip, a trip he was actually looking forward to. Rachel had tried several times to get him to join her during her travels, but he never would because he was too afraid of change; he did not want to rock the boat. Now, several years later, a change of scenery sounded excellent; it was just what he needed at this point in his life.

As he drifted off to sleep, he vowed to send Lorelai a postcard during his trip with some form of an apology, not realizing in his sleepy state that he would not have a way to reach her all summer.

* * *

Late that night, Rory sat on the porch and took in the scene before her. Her mother had put together blowouts before, but this one topped them all. There were card tables scattered across the lawn, each covered with plastic red table cloths covered in little graduation caps. There was a giant banner stretched across the porch, also red, with "Congrats Rory!" written in big block letters. Rory guessed the big sound system in front of the garage was courtesy of Kirk, and let out a small chuckle thinking about what her mother must have done to strong-arm him into DJ-ing that night.

It seemed like the whole town had shown up to celebrate her graduation. She spotted Babette, Morey, and Miss Patty at a table together, singing along with the music at the top of their lungs. Gypsy and Andrew were standing near the buffet table, fighting over the last of Sookie's desserts. She smiled when she saw Reverend Skinner and Rabbi Barans engaged in a friendly game of Go Fish—no gambling involved. Her smile turned to a laugh when she noticed even Bootsy and Taylor were in attendance.

She glanced over and saw Lorelai, Sookie, and Jackson giggling hysterically at the other end of the porch, and suspected their glee probably had something to do with the alcohol her mother or Miss Patty had inevitably brought out. Regardless, Rory was happy to see Lorelai having a good time. She knew her decision to go to Stanford had not been easy on her mom, but Lorelai had been nothing but supportive the last few months. Rory couldn't help but feel a little guilty that in the midst of so many life changes—the Independence fire, the Dragonfly debacle, and all the problems that came with Stanford—Lorelai had still managed to put together an incredible graduation party and plan their trip to Europe. She made a mental note to find a way to thank her mom for all that she had done.

Taking one last look around the yard, Rory slipped quietly inside, knowing her absence wouldn't be noticed by the tipsy party guests. Inside her bedroom, she began packing up some last minute items for their trip to Europe.

As she sorted her things, she thought about the kind souls just outside her window. The people who had supported her and her mom since their arrival in Stars Hollow all those years ago. The people who had watched her grow up and cheered her on from the sidelines like she was their own. The people who she knew would watch over her mother while she was away.

It then occurred to her Luke had not been in attendance that evening. He had said he would come by after checking in at the diner, but he had never showed. Furrowing her brow, she finished what she was doing and snuck out the back door. When she reached the diner, she saw that it was closed, and the windows of his apartment were dark. She tried the door anyway, in the hopes that it somehow had been left unlocked, and was disappointed to find that was not the case. But she realized it was late and, more likely than not, Luke was probably in bed.

_The diner must have gotten busy_ , she surmised. She contemplated this on her walk home, feeling a little disheartened and confused.  _He's never broken a promise to me before._

She tried to push this thought out of her head. What difference did it make? She knew Luke was busy and she knew he loved her.

_So why wasn't he there? Why didn't he tell someone he couldn't make it?_

Rory got a sinking feeling when she remembered Lorelai's flustered state when the two of them had driven home from Chilton.

_He and mom are fighting._ Rory felt resentment begin to bubble up inside of her. Luke had never put his relationship with Lorelai before his relationship with her. He always welcomed her into the diner and treated her with kindness, no matter what his status with Lorelai was.

_So why is this time different?_ Rory wondered, but she knew she would likely never be told. When Lorelai and Luke fought, it was one of the few times her mother became tight lipped about her personal life.

Rory could only hope things would be back to normal by the time they returned.


	7. Intensity in Ten Cities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lorelai comes to terms with her feelings for Luke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a song by the band Chiodos

_Dear Luke,_

_I'm writing you this letter because I've been struggling for a while trying to find the right words to say. Shocking, I know. Lorelai Gilmore doesn't know what to say. But after our conversation following Rory's graduation, it became abundantly clear that I have not done the best job of explaining myself or expressing my feelings. This is my attempt to rectify that, in addition to righting some other wrongs._

_First, let me apologize for my behavior the last few months. I have been unfairly using you to release my burdens upon, sort of like an emotional punching bag for my sadness. I know friends are supposed to do that kind of thing, but I have been taking advantage of your willingness to be there for me, which is what led to my inconsiderate request after Rory's graduation._

_That brings me to my next apology. After you told me our relationship had become a sore spot between you and Nicole, I promised myself I would work harder to make that less of an issue. But once Rory made her decision to go to Stanford, all my rational thought processes went out the window. Part of the reason I spent so much time avoiding you was because I didn't want to put you in a difficult position. I knew you were concerned about me and about Rory, I just couldn't allow myself to be honest with you because I knew I would crumble. When you showed up at the potting shed, I was at my most vulnerable. So with your offer of junk food and admission of your sleuthing, I let my emotions get the best of me._

_I know Rory told you I was embarrassed by that breakdown, but it wasn't just that: I was ashamed. Not because I had a total meltdown in front of you, but because I felt my actions very much disrespected your relationship with Nicole, which was a complete violation of the vow I had made to myself. The worst part to me, though, was I enjoyed it. I enjoyed how safe I felt while you held and soothed me. I enjoyed having you there to help ease my sorrows. I enjoyed the feeling of electricity that passed between us, at that moment and in all the others._

_I know you are with Nicole. I know you went on this summer vacation to prove your commitment (love?) to her. I know I have spent this entire letter thus far apologizing for interfering with your relationship. Because of those things, I know I have no right to say this, especially after all this time, but…I don't think I am wrong in saying I know you have felt that electricity, too. In all our years of knowing each other, we have had a weird magnetic connection—some might call it chemistry. And we have always cared about each other, Luke. Even when I was pestering you and calling you Duke, your devotion to Rory gave you a special place in my heart, and as you've become a bigger presence in our lives, your place in my heart has gotten bigger as well. I'm not sure you realize this (or maybe you do), but you're one of the only men who has ever cared about Rory for reasons that had nothing to do with me, and that includes her own father._

_But I care about you not just because you love my daughter unconditionally, as if she were your own, even though you are in no way obligated to do so. It's not just because you have fed us all these years, including the times when Rory was younger and you under charged us, claiming our orders were "on special" (I know you thought I didn't notice, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that burgers couldn't possibly be a special_ that _much). It's not just because you have kept our house from falling apart, including making your maintenance part of my birthday present because you know I can't stand feeling like a charity case._

_I care about you because you pretend to hate everything about Stars Hollow and its quirky residents, but you almost always will quietly serve and assist in the background when asked (with the exception of Taylor). I care about you because you have so faithfully honored your father and his life's work, but have still managed to forge your own path in a way that I'm sure would've made him proud. I care about you because you are so committed to your family, even though they have hurt you and let you down on more than one occasion. I care about you because you try to humbly hide your generous heart beneath a rough exterior—the surly diner owner with a heart of gold._

_I'm in love with you, Luke. I think I probably have been for a while, but I was too stubborn and afraid to admit it. Given your reaction to what I said at Rory's graduation, I know you probably think this is just some desperate attempt to cling onto something (someone) stable during this time of crisis. Although Rory leaving is the catalyst that sparked me into action, it has not been not my primary motivator. It is simply what lifted the veil of ignorance (or denial) from my eyes._

_I don't love you because I need you. I need you because I love you._

* * *

Lorelai absentmindedly chewed the cap of her pen as she read over the letter she had been carefully (and painfully) crafting for the last eight weeks. She had written and rewritten several drafts that had been shredded and stuffed into the bottom of waste bins all across Europe.

She had decided to write Luke a letter of apology for what happened at Rory's graduation on the plane. In Rome, she added the potting shed incident and her feelings of embarrassment and shame. In Paris, she got angry and laid into him about his insensitive treatment of her. In Berlin, she decided against writing a letter completely and angrily ripped up everything she had written. But once they arrived in Amsterdam, she began to realize her anger was a secondary emotion she was using to bury the depth of what she truly felt. So in Belgium, she started to write down all the ways in which Luke had rescued her over the years. Then during their stake out of Bono's hotel in Ireland, Lorelai realized she was in love with him. After that, the words came to her easily.

Thinking back on the emotional roller coaster she had been on the last few weeks, Lorelai felt so relieved to finally have it all on paper; however, as they got closer to home, the thought of having to actually present Luke with this letter started to make Lorelai feel frantic. What would he say? Would he ignore it as he did with her letter of apology the previous summer? Would he write her back? Would he plan some grand romantic gesture to sweep her off her feet?

Lorelai tried her best to not get her hopes up. She knew this would come as somewhat of a shock to Luke. She had been thinking and writing this letter for weeks, and he would finish reading it in just a few minutes. He would need time to process; she understood that. But deep down, she had a small flame of hope she could not extinguish.

She finished re-reading her letter for what felt like the hundredth time, then, feeling satisfied, she closed her eyes and slept for the rest of their flight.

* * *

Even though Lorelai and Rory knew they would have plenty of time between getting home from Europe and departing for Stanford, they still felt very rushed. There was a mountain of laundry to be done, supplies to be bought, and belongings to be packed and shipped.

A few weeks after they had returned home, the two of them sat on the porch and watched professional movers pack Rory's things into a large, steel unit

"Are you sure your grandparents are paying for this?" Lorelai asked Rory skeptically, eyeing the movers as they worked. "What does PODS stand for, anyway?"

"It stands for portable on-demand storage," Rory informed her. "And yes, Grandma and Grandpa told me after graduation they would pay for my stuff to be shipped. It's their graduation present to me since I don't have much use for car."

"Hey! Moving guy!" Lorelai called to one of the movers. "Do I pay with cash or a card?"

"It's already been paid for," he grunted as he hauled another box of Rory's books to the unit.

"Told you," Rory muttered.

Lorelai dramatically placed her hand over her heart. "Why are you so mean to mommy when we only have a week left of our summer?"

"Why are you bugging the moving guys instead of spending time with me?"

"Because you're the slowest packer on the planet. I've been waiting for you to finish that trunk of clothes for over an hour. I'm starving!" Lorelai whined.

"You just want to go to Luke's because you know he's back. I'm not going to mess up my refined packing system just so you can prod Luke about his vacation."

Lorelai had not told Rory about what had happened with Luke before their trip or the letter she had written. If things went well, she wanted to send Rory off to school feeling like things were taken care of at home. If things went badly, she didn't want to send Rory off to school feeling worried about things at home. In the days since their return, it had taken every ounce of self-control Lorelai possessed not to reveal this information to her daughter. Luckily, she was able to conceal her eagerness to see Luke by saying she wanted to hear all about his trip, in addition to complaining about how much she missed his coffee and pancakes.

"You've got ten minutes to finish or else I'm leaving you to fend for yourself. You should know better than to test me when coffee and burgers are at stake."

Rory rolled her eyes at her mother, but not ten minutes later, they were opening the door to the diner.

As soon as she saw him, Lorelai's insides flipped over, and she unconsciously touched the letter sitting in her bag. Was he still upset with her? Would he ignore them and send Cesar to take their order?

She smiled hesitantly. "Bonjour, Luke. Pouvez-vous attachez vos chaussures?" she called out in French.

"What?"

Rory translated for her, "She said, 'Hi, Luke. Do you know how to tie your shoes?'"

"She's right. It came in handy, let me tell you. Not one shoelace fatality on my watch!"

"Very nice. You want some coffee?"

Luke's very normal behavior caused a feeling of relief to course through her. "Yes, please!"

"We missed it so much, Luke. They make a great espresso in Italy, but it's nothing compared to your coffee," Rory gushed.

Lorelai took a long sip and added, "Yeah, I told 'em about you over there, Señor Swanky-pants."

"Can't tell you how grateful I am to have you as my press agent," Luke deadpanned.

_Yes, things are definitely back to normal,_ Lorelai thought happily.

Rory's pager started beeping. "It's Lane. I'm going to say hi and give her the gift we got her. Order me a burger!" She took one last gulp of coffee and raced out the door.

Lorelai cleared her throat. "Um, speaking of gifts. We got you something."

"You did?" Luke asked with obvious surprise.

"Yes, we did."

"You didn't have to do that."

"Well, don't get too excited until you see it. Just know I wanted to get you the Spanish bullfighter's uniform."

Lorelai pulled two small books from out of her bag and handed them to him. "Rory found this in a used bookstore in Rome. It's a handwritten Italian cookbook full of old recipes, and since a lot of it isn't written in English, we also got you an Italian-English dictionary so you could translate. I know you probably don't cook Italian much, but I've noticed you have a couple of cookbooks in your apartment, so we thought you could add it to your collection."

Luke didn't respond. Lorelai watched him nervously as he flipped through a couple of the pages and looked over some of the recipes.

"Do you like it?" she asked.

Luke looked up from the book. "What? Oh. Yeah, this is great! I don't really get to cook Italian in the diner, but I experiment with recipes for myself all the time. I love it. Thank you."

The smile he gave her nearly knocked the breath out of her. She placed her hand around the envelope in her bag. "Actually, I have something else for you, too."

"Lorelai, you really didn't have to do that."

"No, I really did," Lorelai said. She started to pull out the envelope but stopped when the bells above the entrance jingled. A large group of summer tourists filled the nearly empty diner, and Luke gave her an apologetic look. "I'll be right back."

It took Luke a while to take the group's orders, but when he reappeared behind the counter, he placed a burger in front of her and refilled her coffee. "You know, I got you guys a little something on my trip, too."

"Luke, you didn't need to do that."

Luke scoffed. "Oh please. Like you wouldn't have pestered me for weeks if I came back empty handed."

"Well, when you're on vacation with your girlfriend, I would assume gifts for other women are prohibited."

Luke dismissed her thought with a wave of his hand. "Nah, it wasn't a big deal. Anyway, Seattle is like the coffee capital of the world or something, so I got you a couple bags of the different local blends." He pulled a bag from under the counter and slid it over to her.

Lorelai examined the various coffees. "Trying to put yourself out of business, huh? You know by giving us other brews you'll be losing your top patrons, my friend," Lorelai teased.

Luke rolled his eyes. "Knowing you, these bags will be empty before the end of the week." He bent down behind the counter again and pulled out another bag. "And, uh, I got this for Rory. Sort of as a souvenir but also as a graduation present."

Lorelai peeked inside. "Luke…" she whispered.

"You know, it's funny that you guys got me a used book since that's what I got for Rory. It's a, uh, first edition, first printing. Really rare, apparently. That's what the guy at Powell's said. That's the name of the bookstore: Powell's. I know Rory really likes that Strand place in New York, but I think she would go nuts in Powell's. They've even got a little coffee shop inside you guys would love. One of the roasts I got you is from there."

Lorelai pulled out the worn but beautiful leather bound edition of  _Walden_. "Rory will love this. And I love my coffee beans. Thank you."

"Ah, it was nothing. You're welcome."

The kindness of these souvenirs made Lorelai's heart swell. She thought of the letter in her bag, but couldn't bring herself to pull it out again.

"Speaking of your trip, how was it?" Lorelai asked casually, taking a bite of her burger.

"Oh, it was great."

"What did you do?"

"Oh, you know, we fluttered around. There was this great hike we did around Mount St. Helens. We went to the Pike's Place Market and sampled a bunch of their fresh food. The lodge in Canada was gorgeous…" Luke continued talking, and Lorelai noticed the smile on his face and the wistful way he spoke about his trip, which caused a searing pain to shoot across her chest. "I also wanted to tell you —"

She stood up abruptly. "Wow, that sounds great, Luke. Can you pack up Rory's burger? I forgot we have to, um, meet up with the movers at the house. So they can get the rest of her stuff."

"Uh, yeah, sure." Luke gave her a to-go bag as she gathered her things. "Here."

"Thanks. For this and the gifts. I'm, uh, glad you had a good time. I'll see you later," Lorelai said, departing the diner as quickly as she could.

Rory was already on the couch when Lorelai got home. "Burger?"

Lorelai handed her the bag with Luke's gift. "This first."

Rory pulled out the book, and her jaw dropped. "Oh my god! Is this…?

Lorelai nodded. "A first edition of  _Walden_."

"I can't believe Luke got met this! It's incredible."

"You think that's incredible, wait til you taste this burger."

Rory put the book aside, enthusiastically digging in to the to-go bag. "Isn't it great to be home?"

Lorelai replied with a noncommittal, "Mmm," unable to get Luke's joyous attitude about his trip out of her head. She again thought of the letter in her bag, and her chest began to ache, the searing pain from earlier returning once again.

* * *

**A/N:** The last sentence of Lorelai's letter is a quote from Erich Fromm's  _The Art of Loving_. It's an excellent read if any of you want to check it out.


	8. Sadnecessary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lorelai and Rory prepare for Rory's imminent departure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a song by the band Milky Chance

Lorelai was able to convince Rory to avoid the diner for a few days, under the guise of finishing up the last minute errands they needed to run before they left for California on Saturday.

"I'm so wiped. I shouldn't have taken that third Excedrin PM last night," Lorelai complained as she sat down on a bench.

"Third? Why'd you take three?" Rory asked.

"Oh, well, uh, originally I took two, then somewhere around four in the morning, I woke up and had a major Marilyn moment."

"Oh no. Well, do you want to go home and rest?"

"No way. We have a million and one things on this list, and we are going to conquer them all. What's left?"

Rory checked her list. "Okay, we got the sheets, towels, bathroom shower caddy, and the basic first aid accouterment. We still need to hit the beauty supply and the stationery store."

"Let's do beauty supply first, that way you have plenty of time to agonize over pens and paper quality at the stationery store."

"Do not mock the scientificity of my process!"

"I'm sorry, you're just so weird about the kind of pens you like. It's like ring shopping with Smeagol."

"Why don't you go to the beauty supply store and let me go to the stationery store alone? It will save time, and allows me to select my pens and paper in peace," Rory said.

"But I need to spend every waking moment with you before we are parted!"

"We'll make up for the lost time at Taylor's new store. You can wail and fret and give me somber looks over an ice cream soda."

"Sounds like a plan. Meet there in half an hour, or you're buying!"

Lorelai's mouth fell open in shock when she entered Taylor's Old Fashioned Soda Shoppe 25 minutes later. "How are you here before me?! I'm early! Did you even go to the stationery store? You can't possibly have picked out paper and pens in less than 20 minutes."

Rory shrugged. "I know what I like. Perhaps not having someone chattering and complaining in my ear like Tinkerbell every two minutes helped speed up the process?"

Lorelai muttered to herself as she took a seat across from her daughter.

"Hey, cheer up, Charlie. Since I got here early, I ordered for you," Rory said, pushing a large glass and a small bowl toward her mother. "The bowl has a single scoop of 'the darkest chocolate,' which I thought you would enjoy, then the glass is—wait for it—a coffee ice cream float."

"A coffee ice cream float?!" Lorelai repeated excitedly. She took a drink and moaned in appreciation. "What is in this delicious ambrosia?"

"It's a mix of Irish creamer, vanilla ice cream, and coffee."

"Irish cream, you say?" Lorelai asked, taking a big gulp.

"Irish  _creamer_. Do you think Taylor's staff would serve liquor to a minor, or that Taylor would allow alcohol to be served here? The only reason he sells it at the market is so he doesn't lose any business to Woodbury."

Lorelai took another sip and sighed dramatically. "One can dream. Someday! Someday, maybe."

"Eat the ice cream before it melts. I want to know how the chocolate tastes."

"Then why didn't you get chocolate?" Lorelai narrowed her eyes and shielded her bowl protectively.

"I knew you would let me have a taste, and I wanted to try the Reese's."

" _Reese's?!_ Reese's flavored ice cream, the darkest chocolate, and a coffee ice cream float. This is what heaven will be like."

"Don't let Luke see you drinking coffee in here. He might think you've defected and joined the enemy," Rory teased.

Lorelai whipped around to make sure Luke hadn't spotted her.

"Relax, Mom. I'm just kidding. Besides, I made sure our table was in just the right place. We can see Luke, but he can't see us."

"That's my little valedictorian. Who needs Stanford when you've got a mind like that?"

The two Gilmore's continued watching Luke and his customers while they enjoyed their treats.

"Does something seem off to you?" Lorelai asked Rory.

"What do you mean?"

"With Luke. We've been watching him for what…ten minutes? And not once has he yelled or glared. His face is a normal color, the vein in his forehead isn't popping out. He seems…relaxed."

"And that's bad?"

Lorelai shook her head. "It's not bad; it's just…weird. He's been in a good mood since he got back from his trip. It's like going away helped him reach nirvana or something."

"Well, he was in Washington. Maybe he hit up a few of the Kurt Cobain memorials," Rory joked.

Lorelai laughed and polished off her coffee float. She knew she was being overly sensitive about Luke's change in demeanor. She should be  _glad_  he was smiling instead of scowling, but something about it all made her feel uneasy.

Rory's voice jolted her from her thoughts. "Mom? If you're done, I'm going to head over to Lane's. I promised her exclusive one-on-one time until we leave."

"And stick me with the tab? So unfair. How come you get to have all the fun?"

Rory stood up to leave. "Because I have the nicest, prettiest, smartest mom in the whole world."

"Oh, you  _are_  learning! I'm so proud! Tell Lane I said hi and she is welcome to come to the Crap Shack and commiserate your absence with me anytime."

Rory rolled her eyes and gave her mother a quick hug goodbye before departing.

Lorelai sat in the soda shop a for a few minutes more to observe Luke from a distance. To the untrained eye, Luke's sudden attitude shift could have been dismissed as nothing more than a simple good mood, but Lorelai knew better. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, she just knew something was amiss, and she was determined to figure out what it was.

* * *

"I can't believe you're moving to California in a few days!" Lane lamented. "First Dave, now you! I'm going to die of jealousy. Do you know how great the music scene is there? And the weather! You'll get to have a moderate winter! You won't have to trudge through the snow or freeze your butt off walking to your classes."

"But I  _will_  be over 3,000 miles away from my mom and my best friend. Meanwhile, you'll be in Stars Hollow for all the festivals, and you'll get to see the progress on the Dragonfly once that gets started. You'll get to see the town grow and change…"

"I'd rather be in California."

"I'm going to miss you, too," Rory said, giving her best friend a hug. "What are the odds of Mrs. Kim letting you come for a visit?"

"You're more likely to win the lottery. Twice."

"Well if that happens, I'll pay for a private jet to bring you to visit me in my mega mansion on the beach."

"Deal," Lane said, shaking Rory's hand.

The two sat quietly for a few minutes, soaking up each other's company.

"How weird is this?" Lane asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Yesterday we're sitting on your porch playing jacks and praying to grow boobs, and now look at us. I'm in a band and going to Bible college, and you're about to go off and conquer California."

Rory smiled sadly. "Yeah. We've come a long way."

Lane noticed the look of discontent on her friend's face. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

"I don't know. In the past few minutes sitting here, I've managed to completely freak myself out. Since we got back from Europe I haven't really had a chance to stop and think about it, but I just stopped and thought, and I am really nervous."

"Totally understandable," Lane reassured her.

Rory shook her head. "But I'm, like, panic-attack nervous."

"Rory, everything is going to be fine. You're going to do an amazing job. You always do."

"But what if I don't? Everyone always assumes I'm going to be great at everything like it's a given. It's not a given. What if Stanford is not what I expected and I fail miserably? What if Yale was the right choice all along, but I was too lovestruck by Stanford to realize it? I'm not gonna have anyone out there; I'm gonna be alone. If I screw up, nobody can fix it for me. I'm gonna be totally on my own."

"Rory, hey," Lane rubbed Rory's back soothingly. "The reason everyone knows you're going to be great is because they know you. Of course you're feeling nervous and scared—you're moving across the country. But you made the right choice in picking Stanford. And you won't be alone forever. You're gonna find someone to share your crayons with, and you'll be best friends before you know it."

"No way. You're the only one I'll ever share crayons with," Rory said, giving Lane's hand an affectionate squeeze.

"And you're not gonna fail miserably. You're gonna make mistakes, but who doesn't? You'll learn from your mistakes and get better because that's just what you do. You'll figure it out."

"I don't know. I just don't know about just picking up and leaving until Christmas and leaving my mom. See? I'm not ready. What kind of college student freaks out about leaving their mom?"

"The lucky kind," Lane said. "How is she holding up?"

Rory shrugged. "She's fine. She's not freaked out at all. She's checking off lists and making plans for when we get there. She's not even a little bit sentimental."

"Your mom? Lorelai?"

"Yeah. She's really fine."

Lane shook her head. "I'm sure she's freaking out on the inside. Remember when you went to Washington last summer?"

"I don't know. Maybe…" Rory paused. "Lane?"

"Yeah?"

"I just… your friendship means so much to me. I'm gonna…" Rory trailed off, too choked up to finish her sentence.

Lane pulled her into a hug. "I'm gonna miss you, too. So much."

They remained locked in that embrace for a while before finally pulling apart, both of them wiping tears from their eyes.

"Okay, enough of this mushy stuff. I have a going away present for you." Lane pulled up one of her floorboards and handed Rory a package from inside. "It's all the hits that have come out of California. Not any of that Beach Boy pop nonsense, but the  _real_  music. All the best songs you've never heard."

Rory opened the package and examined the track listings. "Lane, this is incredible. Thank you so much."

"I just wanted you to feel like you had a little piece of me in California with you."

Rory hugged her again. "So much for no more mushy stuff."

Lane laughed. "Well, let's stick that CD into the player and have a jam session. Mama is at a church retreat until tomorrow."

Rory placed the disc into the CD player and turned the volume up significantly louder than had ever been allowed in the Kim house.

"Let's dance!" Lane exclaimed. "How many chances will I get to say that in this house?"

The two girls danced (terribly) to all the songs on the CD, and Rory was so grateful that she was able to spend this time with her best friend. It was a bittersweet feeling, but the sweet far outweighed the bitter.

* * *

The day before they were set to leave for California, Lorelai finally returned to the diner.

"Hey!" Luke addressed her cheerfully. "Haven't seen you in a few days. Rory all set?"

He placed a mug in front of her and filled it. She took a sip before responding. "Yup. We've been packing and running around like crazy the last few days to make sure she has everything."

"Did you get it all done?"

"Well, we had to cut our Godfather marathon short, but we did it."

"I know how hard that must have been for you," Luke deadpanned. "Is Rory coming in today?"

"You think she wouldn't come say goodbye to you? She's just been spending time at Lane's for the last couple of days getting her best friend time in—she'll be here soon."

Luke smiled. "Good. Whatever you guys want, on the house."

"Wow, I feel important."

"You are important."

Luke had no way of knowing the impact of his words. Lorelai's letter was still in her bag, though she had not looked at it in days, and it suddenly felt very heavy.

"Did you guys make any plans for while you're there?"

Lorelai nodded. "Oh yeah. When Rory's not at orientations, we have a million things on our agenda, and even when she's busy, I've got my own list. It's going to be like another vacation. Oh, and we are spending my last day there visiting Mia. She just recently moved to Monterey, did you know?"

"That's great! She'll be so happy to see you. I didn't even think about her being close by."

"She was thrilled when we called, and she's ecstatic Rory will be at Stanford."

"Tell her I said hi, and that I'm sorry I haven't called…" Luke trailed off. "Actually, Lorelai there's someth—"

He was interrupted by the diner door swinging open.

"Nicole!" Luke exclaimed. "You're early." He walked over and greeted her with a kiss, grinning from ear to ear.

"I know, I know. I just couldn't wait until tomorrow. I finished up everything crucial at the office this morning, that way we can spend the rest of today and all day tomorrow moving my things."

"I hope you understand how little space is in my apartment. It's practically the size of your old bedroom. Are you sure this is what you want to do? I mean your clothes alone…" Luke teased.

Nicole swatted him playfully. "Stop it. By the way, I finally got a good storage unit to hold my furniture until we find a place."

"Until you find a place?" Lorelai repeated, finding her voice.

Luke seemed to have forgotten she was there, his eyes widening upon hearing her speak. "Nicole, why don't you, uh, pull around back and start bringing your stuff in that way?"

Nicole glanced from Luke to Lorelai, taking in the stricken look on Lorelai's face, and appeared to understand the situation. She gave Luke a peck on the cheek and returned to her car.

Luke walked over and sat down next to Lorelai.

"Lorelai…I was trying to tell you the other day, but you just ran out of here so fast I didn't get a chance. And just now…I was going to tell you."

"So…Nicole's moving in with you?" Lorelai asked.

"Yes…" He didn't make eye contact with her.

"Is there more?"

"Yes."

"What? Did you propose?"

He looked up at her, his face the picture of seriousness. "Yes."

Lorelai never thought one syllable would have the power to completely and utterly shatter her. It took everything she had to hold it together. "Oh my god," she whispered. "You proposed?"

Luke nodded. "Yes, I proposed."

"You're engaged. You and Nicole…are getting married?"

"Yes, Nicole and I are engaged."

Neither of them spoke for a moment.

"Are you okay? You don't look so good."

Luke's words triggered a memory from a very similar conversation a few years prior.

_You know you always look good._

_Yeah?_

_I mean you always look healthy._

_Okay._

_But you don't look so healthy now. Now you look…_

_Unhealthy._

_Yes._

_Okay._

_Oh, what? So I said you look good. We're not in 5th grade. 'You look good,' big deal._

Luke dropping everything to race her to the hospital.

Luke staying with her then bringing Rory home.

The blue hat she bought him as a thank you that he had worn every day since.

Lorelai felt like she might be sick. She took a deep breath and tried to swallow the lump in her throat. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just your love life paired with my jet lag is making me dizzy," she joked half-heartedly.

Luke eyed her suspiciously. "Are you sure?"

Lorelai nodded. "Yeah. Um, I should probably get home, though. Gotta finish packing up Rory's stuff."

"What about your burgers?"

"We'll just snack on what's left of our biscotti. Thanks for the coffee."

Forgetting Luke had told her she didn't need to pay, she fumbled with her bag, struggling to find her wallet. She felt her fingers brush against the letter, and she yanked her hand out of her purse like she had been scalded. Her eyes were stinging with tears. "Um, put it on my tab. Forgot to exchange all my Euros. I'll see you later. Oh, and congratulations," she offered lamely as she fled the diner.

She somehow managed to make it to her porch before she fell apart. She opened the front door, and then collapsed against it on the other side, her sobs echoing throughout her empty house.


	9. The Past in the Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory and Lorelai arrive at Stanford

"Can you believe we're here?" Rory asked excitedly while they waited for their luggage at baggage claim.

"Mmph," Lorelai grumbled, clutching an extra large coffee in her right hand.

"You're the one that chose the 8 AM flight. What was it you said? 'We'll have the whole day ahead of us!'"

"When has me being up before 7 AM ever ended well? How could you let me go through with it?"

"To torture you and teach you a lesson." Rory gave her mother a devilish grin.

Lorelai mumbled some curses while she took a long gulp of her coffee.

After their bags had been collected, the girls picked up their rental car and headed to the university.

"So what's the plan? How are we getting all my things into the dorms?"

"I thought we would unload these things, then make a trip to San Francisco to the storage unit to get a load of your stuff. Since we have an SUV, we will be able to fit a lot into the car so we don't have to make a bunch of trips. We also need to call Mia and see what time she wants us to come visit," Lorelai informed her.

"Okay. I have to check-in with an dorm supervisor before I move into the dorm. They have to give me some orientation materials and a schedule for the week."

"I can't believe you're getting into the whole 'new student orientation' thing. It's very school spirit-y, which is, like, the total opposite of your attitude the last four years," Lorelai pointed out, trying to sound casual.

Rory shrugged. "It's a good chance to meet people and learn about the school. It might be a nice change, getting into the spirit of things. Who knows? Maybe I will try out to be a spirit dancer or something."

"Please video tape that audition for me. Miss Patty would be so proud," Lorelai teased, but the idea of Rory being so excited and willing to change made her feel a little uneasy. Emily's words from their last dinner echoed in her head.

_You think nothing will change while she's across the country for the next four years? Don't be ridiculous! You're going to lose her!_

Lorelai shook these thoughts away.

_This is good. It's going to be good,_  she assured herself.  _Everything is going to be great._

But deep down, she wasn't fully convinced.

* * *

When they were finally allowed to move into the dorm, they entered the room and found a bespectacled girl with chestnut colored hair already lounging on one of the beds.

"Hi!" she greeted them enthusiastically. "Are you Lorelai? I'm your room mate, Sarah Bennet. I'm so excited to finally meet you!"

Sarah's enthusiasm threw Rory for a moment, but she quickly recovered and gave her room mate a warm smile. "Hi, it's nice to meet you, too! I actually go by Rory. Lorelai is my mom," she said, gesturing to the woman next to her.

Sarah cocked her head to one side. "You're both named Lorelai?"

Lorelai laughed. "When Rory was born, my feminism really kicked in, and I thought 'men name kids after themselves all the time,' so that's what I did. There may have been a lot of Demerol involved, as well."

Sarah nodded. "Awesome. Makes sense, actually. Sorry to greet and run, but I have to head out for a while. I'm a music major, so I have to practice for ensemble auditions. I just wanted to make sure I was here when you arrived. But I'll be back this evening for the start of orientation. Do you want to go together?"

"Yeah, I would like that," Rory replied.

"Cool. I'll meet you back here at, like, a quarter to five. Have a fun afternoon!" Sarah gave them a wave as she left the room.

"A music major? Now  _that_  will be interesting," Lorelai said.

"I don't think I've ever met anyone besides Lane who was a real musician."

"Morey plays shows sometimes, remember? Babette never fails to mention how much they get her 'in the mood,'" Lorelai reminded her. "Let's unpack a few things, shall we?"

Once everything was settled, Rory looked over her class schedule for the fiftieth time. "Isn't it weird that classes start in a few days, but my Intro to English 1 class still says 'TBA' for the professor? It's been like that all summer, but you would think this close to the semester they would have updated it."

"Hon, it's fine. If the class was canceled or something, I'm sure they would've let you know by now. Besides, even if you did know, why does it matter? It's not like you would know the professor anyway. What were you gonna do, find their office and try and introduce yourself with your sweetest doe eyes?"

Rory laughed. "Hey, I resent that! I can't help it if I have doe eyes!"

"Yeah, just like I can't help it if my hair flips. You forget who taught you everything you know, missy!"

The next few days were filled with orientations for Rory, while Lorelai shopped for school supplies and dorm decorations for her daughter. Of course, she made sure to pick up a few things for herself as she went along; retail therapy was one of her favorite stress relievers.

At the end of the week, the two of them made a day trip to Monterey to visit Mia. She was delighted to host her surrogate family and was beyond thrilled that Rory was attending Stanford.

"You better call me if you need anything," Mia insisted.

"Be careful what you wish for — you may end up with ten loads of laundry at your door," Lorelai warned.

"Hey! When have I ever had ten loads of laundry?"

"Oh, right—that's me."

Mia laughed. "You know you're more than welcome to come visit anytime, laundry or not."

Rory hugged her. "You know I will Mia. I'm really glad to have you so close. It will make me miss home a little less."

After a wonderful day of fun and laughter, Lorelai and Rory drove back to Stanford late that night, acutely aware of what the following day would bring. Neither one of them wanted to discuss Lorelai's impending departure, choosing instead to sit in silence, minus the sounds of the radio, and simply soak up each other's company for the entirety of the 90-minute drive.

The next afternoon, Rory and Lorelai stood inside the San Jose airport, just a few feet away from the entrance to the security checkpoint. She knew it had to happen eventually, but it felt wrong to Lorelai, having to leave her daughter behind.

"Well kid, I better get going so the TSA agents have plenty of time to grope me."

"Mom it's for everyone's safety. Lots of people get randomly selected for pat downs," Rory told her.

"Yeah, I just happen to get selected 'randomly' more often than most," Lorelai muttered. She glanced over her shoulder at the line forming in front of the checkpoint; she knew she needed to go, but she couldn't bring herself to move.

The two Gilmore's stared at their feet, unable to make eye contact with one another. Lorelai blew out a breath and swallowed the huge lump in her throat. "Rory…" she began, but she couldn't find the words. They finally looked at one another, tears forming in both of their eyes. Lorelai dropped her purse and enveloped her daughter in a firm hug.

The two remained locked in that embrace for a few minutes. When Lorelai tried to pull away, Rory protested, "Still hugging! Still hugging!" But Lorelai knew she had to go or else she never would.

"I love you, Rory," she said tearfully.

"I love you, too, Mom."

"I'll call you when I get home." Lorelai kissed the top of Rory's head, then made her way toward security. While the agents were checking her information, she turned one last time to look back at her daughter, but Rory was already gone.

* * *

A few days later, Rory nervously walked into a lecture hall, relieved to see several other anxious faces when she entered. "Intro to English 1?"

A small brown-haired girl with glasses nodded, "Yup. You're in the right place!"

Rory took a seat next to her on the front row. "Is it weird to you that there is still no professor listed for this class?"

"Yes! I've been thinking the same thing for weeks—it's been driving me nuts! My parents thought I was crazy. I'm Kayla Schultz by the way."

Rory smiled. "I'm Rory Gilmore. My mom had the same reaction. Good to know I'm not alone."

The girls chatted amicably for the few minutes before class began, casually observing the other students as they filed in. Rory started pulling out her notebook and pens, and had started to write the date when she heard the teacher enter the room. She looked up and saw his back was to her as he wrote the course number and his name on the board. She looked back down at her desk, doodling in her notebook while she waited for him to speak.

He cleared his throat, and when she looked up again, the two of them made eye contact. Her jaw dropped.

"Mr. Medina?"

He stared at her with wide-eyes. "Rory?"

It took a minute for Rory to get her bearings, and she realized her mouth was still hanging open. She shut it quickly and stared at her notebook.

Mr. Medina shook his head and cleared his throat once more. "Sorry, everyone. Let's get started. This is Intro to English 1. I'm Mr. Medina, and I will be your instructor of record. This means I am a Ph.D. teaching associate approved by the administration to teach this course. I'll be working closely with Dr. Greene throughout the quarter to make sure things run smoothly. If you have any problems or questions, you can bring them to me first, and I'll pass them on to Dr. Greene as needed."

Once introductions had been made and the syllabus had been distributed and discussed, they launched into their first lecture.

Despite the shock at the beginning of class, Rory was fully in her element. She scribbled notes furiously throughout class, totally engrossed in the content, and when the class ended, she felt like she was coming out of a haze.

She crashed back to reality when Mr. Medina approached her desk. "Rory? Is that really you?"

"Yup! It's really me. The one and only Rory Gilmore. Well, technically not the one and only since my name is really Lorelai like my mom, as you know. But yes, here I am! In the flesh. Rory Gilmore," she rambled awkwardly.

Mr. Medina laughed. "At least I know the talking thing hasn't changed. Not that I'm unhappy to see you here, but I have to be honest, I'm more than a little surprised. Shouldn't you be at Harvard?"

"Well…" she hesitated.

He held up a hand. "No, it's okay. You don't have to tell me. I'm sure this is a little weird for you, especially after…" he trailed off, but Rory nodded.

"It's no big deal; I don't mind sharing. It's just a long story. And truthfully, I'm still not completely sure about all of the details myself."

"Listen, I know this isn't really standard procedure since it's the first day of class, but do you want to come by my office? My coffee making capabilities have greatly improved since our last encounter."

Rory laughed and checked her watch. "I have a class in about twenty minutes. Would it be okay if I came by afterward? Will you still be around?"

"Yes, I will. I keep office hours from 2:00-4:00, so come by anytime around then. And if you change your mind, don't worry about it. I understand," he said kindly, and she knew he meant it. Max gave Rory directions to her next class as they exited the classroom, then they parted ways.

When her next class was over, Rory decided to explore the student union a bit, hoping to grab a cup of coffee and a snack. She found the trendy campus coffee shop, made her purchases — a triple espresso and something called a "monkey bun" — and found a bench outside to sit on and enjoy her treats. When she finished eating, she checked the time to see if she would still be able to catch Max during his office hours. She sat for a moment and debated whether or not she should meet with him. Things would definitely be a little awkward between them given his history with her mother, but Rory reminded herself that nothing could be as awkward (or painful) as having to interview him for the Franklin shortly after the engagement had ended. She also thought it might be nice to talk through everything with someone who knew her but wasn't extremely close to the situation.

Rory nodded to herself resolutely as she stood up to leave. She made sure to take in the sights of the beautiful campus while she walked to Max's office; she really felt the photos of the campus online did not do it justice. She knew the campuses at the other schools she had considered were equally lovely, but during that walk, Rory really started to feel like she had made the right choice.

When she reached Max's office door, she gave herself a quick pep talk and took a deep breath before she knocked. He called for her to enter and smiled when she walked shyly inside. "I'm glad you decided to stop by. Please take a seat anywhere."

Rory sat down in one of the cozy looking armchairs near Max's desk. He noticed the cup in her hands and chuckled, "Still wary of my brewing skills?"

Rory grimaced. "No, I'm sorry. I just desperately needed a caffeine fix when my class was over, and I wanted to explore campus a little bit, so I went to the student union."

Max laughed again and waved her off. "I'm only teasing, Rory, don't worry. But if you need a refill, I just made a new pot a few minutes ago."

She smiled. "Well I am going to be running low pretty soon, and you know how we Gilmore Girls get without our coffee."

"Do I ever."

This caused them to lapse into an uncomfortable silence, but Max broke it quickly, asking Rory about how her final weeks Chilton had gone. She filled him in on all the exciting things he had missed, and also included some snippets of her valedictory address.

"That's wonderful that you were selected as valedictorian. You really earned it, Rory. I know it probably doesn't mean much after the fact, but I knew you could do it, and I'm proud of everything you have accomplished."

Rory tinged pink and stared at the coffee cup in her hands. "Thanks, Mr. Medina."

"So why don't you tell me about how you went from being staunchly Harvard bound to a co-ed at Stanford. I always thought if you went anywhere besides Harvard it would be Yale because of your family."

Rory frowned. "That's part of the reason I decided against it. I wanted to get accepted somewhere based solely on my accomplishments, not mine and my family's. I know Yale wouldn't accept a total moron whose dad has deep pockets; I know they have standards. But just the thought of having any kind of leg up because of my family's influence was enough to ultimately turn me off of Yale in the end."

"Sounds a lot like another Gilmore girl we know," Max said. "That's another thing I was surprised by. I thought for sure you would want to stay within an easy driving distance of Lorelai."

A look of guilt flitted across Rory's face. "That was something I took into serious consideration," she said quietly, "but in the end, I decided….if not now, when?"

"I'm not sure I follow."

"When will I have a better opportunity to take a leap like this and have the chance to really be away from my mom? You know how much we care about each other, but I don't want to be getting my first job at 23 and be afraid to leave her. I knew it wouldn't be easy to be so far away from her—it  _isn't_  easy, and it's only been a few days. I know this is probably even more difficult for her, but she made a lot of sacrifices so that I could have the best future possible; a better future than she had."

Max nodded his understanding and Rory continued, "I think her life turned out pretty great, but that's because she worked hard and took advantage of great opportunities when they were presented to her. Going to Yale and living close to home would have been amazing, but I don't know if it would have helped me really grow up like I need to, the way most kids do when they go to college. I need—no, I  _want_  to create my own identity; one that is separate from both my grandparent's world and my mother's world. I wouldn't be able to do that so close to home. And to be honest, I think my mom needs this time to find her identity and grow up a little too." Rory gave Max a melancholy smile. "She's spent her whole life being my mom, and now she's just Lorelai. What is she supposed to do with that?"

"You are wise beyond your years, Rory. You always have been. You would have flourished no matter what school you chose. But I, for one, am thrilled you chose Stanford."

Rory's smiled brightened a little. "You know, I was just thinking the same thing while I was walking over here. The longer I am here, the better I feel about my choice. I miss my mom terribly, but I already feel in my element here. It feels good."

Max returned her smile and stood up. "Refill?"

"Yes please."

The two chatted for a little while longer about Rory's choice of major, and Max gave her some advice about courses and professors. Even though there was still a little awkwardness between them, Rory felt herself become more at ease with Max, and decided she was glad to have someone familiar around to help her navigate the unfamiliar waters of college.

* * *

**A/N:**  Just a note - I've heard some concerns about Rory and Max...y'all I PROMISE they are not going to be anything more that teacher/student.  **GROSS!** This isn't PLL you guys ;) anyway, Max will just be who he has always been to Rory: a solid teacher and a big supporter of her.


	10. Silly Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lorelai returns to Stars Hollow and is very unhappy in the weeks following Rory's departure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a song by the band Petal

Lorelai felt terrible.

She had been back from California for a week, and by her own calculations, she estimated she had gotten around 2-3 hours of sleep each night since. She thought she was best friends with coffee before, but now she  _truly_  worshipped it; she knew there was no way she would be able to trudge through each day without several cups of the elixir. Luke was no help with this, though; he had become more stingy than ever about her excessive coffee consumption, only allowing her to have one large cup with her breakfast. Luckily, Sookie didn't have time to scrutinize Lorelai's coffee drinking, so she was able to get exactly what she needed during their business meetings at her best friend's house.

Her eating habits had not changed as much since half the town was watching her like a hawk to make sure she was well fed. Sookie filled her freezer with easy-bake casseroles as soon as she had gotten home from California. Babette stopped by on occasion with leftovers for her. But she didn't truly begin to make a sincere effort to feed herself until she noticed Luke trying to sneak additional fries and onion rings onto her plate—that's how she knew things were serious.

Even though she knew they all meant well, deep down Lorelai wished her beloved townsfolk would leave her alone, just this once. She knew everyone missed Rory. How could they not? But she seriously doubted any of them felt the heaviness in their chests that she did. She felt cloaked in loneliness, like a dark cloud was following her everywhere she went.

She let out a small chuckle at the thought. "I'm Eeyore," she said aloud.

The small silver lining in Lorelai's life after returning from California was the final purchase of the Dragonfly, but even that had come at a price. What remained of Lorelai's savings after paying Rory's tuition was enough for her portion of the purchase, but not enough to fully finance the project.

"What about Luke?" Sookie asked her.

"What about him?"

"He's offered to give you a loan before."

"Out of pity."

"We're pretty damn pitiable right now," Sookie pointed out.

"He's our friend."

"He's more than that, and he's a hermit, so we know he's got money. And if he didn't want to lend it to you, he would say so."

"That would be embarrassing."

"More embarrassing than having our property repossessed and Tom crying because we can't pay him?"

Lorelai sighed. "I guess not. But Luke's getting married and weddings aren't cheap. Besides, how do you think Nicole would feel about her fiancee spending tens of thousands of dollars on something that's really got nothing to do with them? It's not just Luke's money anymore; it's hers, too." She shook her head. "There just has to be something I haven't thought of. I know there is. There's something out there staring me right in the face. I just…haven't seen it."

Sookie hesitated before speaking. "You know, you might consider asking your pa—"

"No," Lorelai cut her off abruptly.

"But I don't think we have a—"

Lorelai held up a hand. "Stop."

"You can at least go and—"

"Nooope."

"Okay, can I just say one thing? If we can't ask Luke, I think it's our only option."

"Sookie, there are several chapters from a Stephen King novel I'd reenact before resorting to that option…but you're right. Just call me Pennywise, I guess."

Sookie laughed. "That's funny. Pennywise. Cause it's about money. Get it?  _Penny_  wise?"

Lorelai patted her friend on the back. "Oh, I got it."

* * *

Lorelai drove to her parent's house the next afternoon, trying to think of a way to both make amends and ask this favor. She had not forgotten how small and anxious she had felt when she stood in the same spot four years ago, asking for help with Rory's Chilton tuition. The feeling returned in full force when her mother answered the door.

"Lorelai? What are you doing here? Were we expecting you?"

"Hi, Mom. Nice to see you, too. Can I come in?"

"Certainly," Emily said as she ushered her daughter inside.

"Is Dad around?"

"He is working in his study, but I'm sure he can take a break if you need."

"Yeah, that would be great."

"Would you like Christine to make you some coffee?"

"Um, sure. Thanks," Lorelai said uncertainly. Her mother's behavior made her feel confused. She had expected a stiff reception and brusque words, but other than the surprised greeting, her mother's demeanor was almost…friendly?

Christine followed Emily out of the kitchen and presented each of them with a small cup of coffee.

Nobody spoke, choosing instead to take a few sips of their beverages.

Emily broke the silence. "So, what can we do for you, Lorelai? I assume this is not a social visit."

Lorelai held back the retort sitting on the tip of her tongue. "Actually, I came to apologize for what happened before Rory's graduation. Things got really out of hand and I'm sorry for freaking out on you. I realize it wasn't fair for us to wait so long to tell you about Stanford. We should have kept you in the loop because this affects you almost as much as it does me."

Emily and Richard were speechless, obviously not expecting an apology. Richard cleared his throat. "Well thank you, Lorelai. That's very thoughtful of you. Your apology is accepted, and I hope you can forgive us, as well."

Emily did not speak.

"Mom?"

Emily let out a small sniffle, dabbing delicately at her eyes. "I am terribly sorry for the things I said to you that night. I can't imagine what Rory thinks of us."

"Don't worry about Rory. You felt blindsided and betrayed and I can understand that. That's how I felt at first, too. There are a lot of things the three of us still need to work through, but I just hope…" Lorelai paused, trying to keep her composure. "I hope now we can move past this and be there for each other while Rory is gone. Everyone misses Rory, but nobody misses her like I do—like I know the two of you do."

"Of course. Of course we can," Emily said softly.

The three Gilmore's took a moment to collect themselves, and Lorelai tried to think of a way to bring up her next topic. "Um, not to ruin the moment, but there's something else."

Richard gave her a knowing look. "You need money."

 _How do they always know?_ Lorelai wondered. She nodded. "Yes. It's for the Inn. For the Dragonfly."

"So you were able to purchase it?" Emily asked.

"Yes. Just yesterday."

"But…?" Richard prompted.

Lorelai sighed. "After paying Rory's tuition, I only have enough money to cover my part of the purchase and a small portion of the construction. But it's not enough for completion, especially if we want to open this summer."

Richard nodded. "I'll get the checkbook."

"Wait," Emily said as he stood. "If we are to give you this loan, Friday night dinners will resume."

Lorelai smiled. "Mom, I assumed as much when I said we should be there for each other now."

"Oh," Emily replied with a small smile. "Alright then."

After Richard returned with the check, the three of them remained in the living room, drinking their coffee while Lorelai told her parents all about Stanford and the adventures she and Rory had in California.

 _This is nice_ , she thought.  _Who would've guessed?_

* * *

Lorelai entered Luke's early that evening feeling better than she had in weeks. But all her energy was quickly zapped away when she spotted Nicole with look-books and magazines strewn across three tables.

 _Wedding planning._  Lorelai swallowed, pushing down the bile that had started to rise in her throat at the thought.

Lorelai had not seen much of Nicole in the last week, and Luke had been careful not to bring her up, so Lorelai could only assume she had been working and was now spending her first day off making wedding plans.

Lorelai wanted to be happy for Luke. He was one of her best friends, and he was on his way to having the total package. He seemed happier than she had ever seen him, but she still just couldn't bring herself to celebrate his engagement. She did her best to fake her way through the very little she discussed the matter, otherwise choosing to say nothing or spend time away from the diner. She knew it seemed silly, but she couldn't help it: she was still in love with him. Even though everything in Luke's life had changed since she had written her letter, nothing had changed in hers. She had hoped knowing he was someone's fiancé would provide her with the motivation she needed to move on, but all it really did was bruise her heart a little more every day.

Lorelai also realized she had lost her closest confidante. After the potting shed and the letter, she knew she couldn't allow herself to be truly open or vulnerable with Luke until she was able to get a grip on her feelings. But she so badly wanted to tell him all about California. About Mia. About the Inn. About her parents. She would provide small bits of information when asked, but she had begun to build a wall between them, and she knew it might never come down. Even though it was extremely painful and emotionally exhausting, it was necessary. She needed time and space to heal.

Lucky for her (or not), Luke was pretty well occupied with wedding plans. She assumed he would probably be more of a "hands-off" type of guy when it came to his wedding, but Luke seemed eager to be involved. He wasn't much help when it came to bridesmaid's dresses, flower arrangements, or color schemes, but he had plenty of thoughts on food, music, venues, and even Nicole's dress.

"That one's nice," he told her, pointing to a dress in the top right corner of one of her magazines.

His fiancée smiled up at him. "You really think so?"

He kissed the top of her head and moved to refill people's coffee.

Lorelai tried to ignore the searing pain in her chest and the sick feeling in her stomach, but she could not push them away. She dropped a few bills on the counter to pay for her barely-eaten dinner and stood to leave.

"Everything okay?"

Lorelai's head snapped up at the sound of Luke's voice. "W-what?"

"You didn't touch your food. Usually, I'm afraid I'll have to give you the Heimlich cause you inhale everything so fast. The only times I've seen you not eat is after a fight with someone or in an emergency."

His tone was casual, but Lorelai saw the concern in his eyes, which only made the feelings swirling within her grow stronger.

"Um…" she began, trying to come up with a believable excuse, "I…I just got back from seeing my parents."

"Ah. Gotcha," Luke replied, nodding his understanding. He didn't press her further. "Do you want me to box this up for you?"

Lorelai shook her head. "It's okay. I think I'll just, um, head home and go to bed early." She gave him the smallest of smiles and left quickly.

* * *

When she arrived at the Crap Shack, she had a message on her machine.

 _Hi, Mom,_  Rory's voiced echoed through the empty house.  _I was just calling to check-in…see how things were going. Grandma called me today and said you guys had a talk. She sounded happy. Is that feeling mutual? I'm assuming everything is at least less frosty than when I left since she asked me when she and Grandpa could come and visit. Looks like you were right after all. See, I am learning things at Stanford! Aren't you proud, Mommy? Anyway, now I'm officially rambling on your machine. Call me when you can. Love you! Bye!_

Lorelai smiled at the message, pleased to hear the happiness in her daughter's voice. She was glad Emily had not only spoken with Rory but had offered to visit.

 _Things are looking up_ , she thought contentedly, her mood drastically improved since leaving the diner.

Lorelai decided to harness her new energy into a movie night for herself. She consumed her usual sustenance and was halfway through her second film when something occurred to her.

 _She didn't say she missed you,_  a voice in her head told her.

Lorelai tried to shake this off.  _It's nothing. She was just in a hurry to stop talking to the machine._

 _She had time to say, "Love you! Bye!" but didn't have time to throw in a, "miss you"?_ The voice was relentless.

 _She doesn't have to say it every time we speak,_ Lorelai told herself reassuringly.

_But—_

"Nope!" Lorelai interrupted her own thought. She got up off the couch and looked around the house for a distraction. "I need to get out of here."

She quickly threw on a jacket and boots and exited the house.

She walked around the town, taking in the sights as if she hadn't lived there for over a decade. The familiarity of it all helped her to relax. Lost in thought, she somehow found herself stopped outside the diner.

 _How do I always end up here?_ she asked herself. But really, deep down, she knew.

The diner was empty, save for Luke at his usual spot, wiping down the counter. Lorelai glanced around the block, looking for Nicole's car. Relieved that it was nowhere to be seen, she entered the building.

Luke looked up. He smiled. "Hey. I thought you were going to bed early?"

Lorelai sat down at her stool in front of the counter. "Changed my mind. Got any coffee left?"

Luke gave her a look of disapproval, but still pulled a mug from under the counter and poured the liquid into it. "So I guess you're feeling better?"

Lorelai took a sip of her drink and thought about how to answer. "I had a message from Rory when I got home."

"And that's…good? Bad?" Luke asked uncertainly.

"You want the truth?"

Luke nodded.

"A little of both. When I first heard her message, I was thrilled. We've both been so busy lately that we haven't had a lot of time to talk, so it was nice to just hear her voice."

"So she's doin' okay?"

"Yeah," Lorelai replied, "she's great."

Luke raised his eyebrows. "Ah. That's what's buggin' you."

"What? No. Of course not. I'm happy she's happy."

Luke looked at her knowingly. "Yeah. But she's happy 2,000 miles away."

"Thanks, Captain Obvious. What's your point?"

"My point," he said as he grabbed a donut and placed it on a napkin in front of her, "is that no matter how happy you are that she is happy, part of you wishes she wasn't."

Lorelai gaped at him. "What?"

Luke shrugged. "Look, everyone knows you guys are freakishly linked…like  _freakishly_. And having Rory gone to college and having a good time without you is hard, especially when you're not having a good time without her."

Lorelai was stunned. "Okay, Dr. Freud. Got any more insights into my psyche?"

Luke laughed. "I just know you. Have I mentioned before how you're in here every damn day?"

Lorelai felt herself smiling. "You might have mentioned it once or twice."

"Not as much lately, though," Luke pointed out.

Lorelai blushed. "I'm sorry."

Luke waved her off. "Don't worry about it. My coffee sales have just taken a hit the last few weeks, so your absence has definitely been noticed."

The two sat in a comfortable silence while Luke finished up his nightly routine and Lorelai drank her coffee.

Luke plopped down in the seat next to her when he was done. "Not to be mushy or anything, but I've kinda missed seein' you, so I'm glad you came in tonight."

Lorelai's heart skipped a beat. "Uh, cha. Of course you did," she said playfully.

"What have you been up to? How are things with the Dragonfly?"

"They're really great. We've finally fully financed the project, so we can really get things moving now. We should be open for the summer."

"That's incredible! Congratulations," Luke squeezed her arm warmly. "But I thought you had already sorted out the financial situation?"

"Oh! Um…" Lorelai suddenly felt flustered. "Well, there were some additional expenses, which isn't unusual. We just needed a little more to ensure a summer opening date. And to make sure we have a cushion in case anything happens. You know how it is."

"Yeah, I do…" Luke gave her a perplexed look. "So that's why I'm wondering…I mean it's really not my business but…how did you…I mean, where did you…"

"Are you trying to ask me about where the money came from, Luke?"

His cheeks tinged pink. "It's none of my business. I shouldn't have asked. I just…"

"What, Luke?"

"I don't want you to be in a bad position."

Lorelai felt a twinge of annoyance. "A bad position? Do you think I sold myself to a pimp or something?"

Luke scoffed. "No, of course not. I mean in a bad position with a bank or something for a loan. With a terrible interest rate or an unreasonable monthly payment."

Lorelai shook her head. "Do you think I'm incapable of handling my finances? That I'm a total idiot when it comes to matters of money?"

"No! I just know you would do anything to make the inn work. Well, not  _anything_  but…"

Lorelai held up a hand. "Stop. I get it." She paused, wondering whether or not she should tell him the truth. She took a deep breath.

"I asked my parents for a loan."

Luke's eyes widened. "You what?"

"I went to my parents, just like I did with Chilton. We worked it out."

"Willingly?" he asked incredulously.

She nodded. "Yeah. It was my idea. We talked, we worked things out, they opened the checkbook. Bada-bing, bada-boom."

Luke didn't respond for a moment. "Why didn't you…I mean, I'm glad things worked out with your folks, but…Lorelai…why didn't you come to me?"

Lorelai didn't know what to say. "I, uh…" she looked away.

Luke took one of her hands in his and squeezed it reassuringly. "Hey," he said softly, moving to catch her eye. She looked up at him, staring straight into his deep blue eyes. "You can always come to me. No matter what. You know I'm here for you."

She swallowed and nodded, unable to speak. She realized how close their faces were, and she had a brief flashback to the night they painted the diner.

"Lorelai…" he whispered. He shifted his body closer to her, and instinctively, she leaned into him. She could feel his breath on her face.

 _So close…_ she thought.  _Close enough to—_

She jerked away from him suddenly.

"I have to go. I have to leave," she said breathlessly, sprinting out of the diner.

Luke remained glued to the stool, unsure what had just transpired.


	11. Breakaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory, Sarah, and Kayla spend time together and make a new acquaintance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a reference to the Kelly Clarkson song.

"Have you signed up for any clubs yet?" Kayla asked Rory and Sarah as they strolled through campus together. "Or decided if you're going to pledge anything in the spring?"

Sarah nodded enthusiastically. "I'm joining Sigma Alpha Iota. It's an international music fraternity for women."

Rory and Kayla looked at her quizzically. "Fraternity? Don't you mean sorority?"

Sarah shook her head. "No, it's fraternity. But it's a long explanation, so just take my word for it."

Her friends shrugged. "Okay."

"What about you, Rory?" Sarah inquired.

"I don't know if Greek Life is my thing," she replied uncertainly. "But there is a creative writing club in the English department that I'm really looking forward to joining."

"Me, too!" Kayla replied. "I've heard the upperclassmen can be ruthless, but that it's a great experience if you want to improve your writing and make good future connections."

"I don't want to be the only one going Greek," Sarah whined. "SAI isn't your typical Greek organization, but it still has a pledging period and all that. I'm sure there's a group whose focus is something you guys would be interested in."

"I'm not opposed to it. I'm willing to keep an open mind," Rory told her. "Ask me again in the spring. Pledging doesn't start until then anyway. Why don't you join us for creative writing club?"

Sarah laughed. "Yeah, right. I'm the least creative writer on the planet. Besides, I need to use my spare time practicing, unless you want me to start playing in the room."

"I mean, not that you aren't a great musician but…no, thanks," Rory said.

"But if you don't join, that means you'll have to read all our writing and give us feedback," Kayla informed Sarah. "Think you can handle it?"

"Psht. All musicians do is give each other feedback. I've been doing it so long that I've figured out how to craft a response that is concise, honest, and helpful without anyone knowing I've even criticized them."

"We'll see about that. We have to bring in some writing for the first meeting, so you'll be put to the test very soon," said Rory.

The three girls continued to chat as they made their way to the student union for a mid-morning caffeine fix before their next class.

"So how do you know Mr. Medina?" Kayla asked after her first sip of coffee. "I meant to ask you ages ago but kept forgetting."

Sarah gave them a puzzled look. "Who is Mr. Medina?"

"He's our Intro to English 1 teacher," Rory explained. "We're in section 1 and you're in section 3 with Dr. Schmidt."

Sarah nodded her understanding. "So you knew him before you got here?"

Rory nodded back. "Yeah. He was my English teacher for a little while in high school. Then he came out here to be a guest lecturer for one semester, and I guess he decided to get his Ph.D. and become a teaching fellow so he could stay. I remember he really loved it here."

"Is that why you applied?" asked Kayla.

Rory shook her head. "I actually forgot he even taught here. And I had no idea he was still around until the first day of classes. Didn't you notice my jaw on the floor when he was about to address the class?"

Kayla chuckled. "Very true. It was like something out of a cartoon. You should've seen it, Sarah."

Sarah swallowed the banana bread she had been chewing. "So what was it like to see him again?"

"It was…" Rory thought about how to answer. She knew Sarah and Kayla were her friends, but she was unsure how much information about her history with Max she should share with them. It wasn't really her story to tell, but it was still part of her story. "It was weird."

"Weird?" her friends questioned in unison.

Rory took a deep breath. "He was engaged to my mom for a little while. I thought he was going to be my stepdad. But it ended up not working out. That's part of the reason he came to Stanford in the first place."

"What?!" the two girls exclaimed.

Rory sighed. "Yeah, it's complicated."

"I'll say," Sarah commented.

Kayla agreed. "So are things awkward between you?"

"No. I mean, a little, but we both know it was for the best. Plus he and I had a relationship first, before him and my mom. We have always gotten along, and he has always been supportive of me."

"I'm going to watch you guys like a hawk in class today," Kayla said.

Rory groaned. "Ugh, please don't make a thing of it. I want as few people as possible to be aware of the fact that I already know Mr. Medina."

"Did you say you know Mr. Medina?" a voice behind her asked.

_Great,_  Rory thought.  _Just what I need; more inquiring minds._

She turned to see who had spoken. A boy wearing a knit hat was sitting a few feet away from them.

He had a few blonde curls sticking out from under his beanie. When they made eye contact, Rory could see that his eyes were a stunning hazel, even at a distance. He had several novels open in front of him, with papers and pens scattered elsewhere on the table.

Kayla narrowed her eyes at him. "Eavesdrop much?"

"Hard not to when you're all sitting five feet away and conversing so loudly I can't focus."

"Oh please," Sarah said with annoyance. "Conversation is part of the coffee shop milieu. If you really wanted to focus you would be in the library, not the union coffee shop, asshole."

The boy ignored Kayla's comment and redirected his attention to Rory. "So? Do you know Mr. Medina?"

Rory blushed slightly. "Yeah. He was my English teacher for a little while in high school," she repeated.

"Maybe if you had eavesdropped a little closer you would have heard that already," Kayla remarked sarcastically.

He ignored her again. "So you're teacher's pet?"

Rory's cheeks flushed a deeper red, but this time it was from anger. "No, I'm not. In fact, I have only had one interaction with Max outside of class since the semester started."

The boy smirked at her. "Max, huh? You really  _do_  know him."

Rory realized her mistake and her cheeks colored even more.

"Fuck off, dude. We don't even know you," Sarah spat at him.

He held up his hands defensively. "Whoa, dude. Chill. I was just trying to figure out your girl's dynamic with Stanford's most eligible professor."

Rory was suddenly furious. "It's nothing like that. How dare you make that kind of statement! You don't know anything about me or Mr. Medina for that matter. Who are you to disrespect a professor like that?"

The boy gave her what she could only assume was supposed to be a "charming" smile. "Levi Hollis. Pleased to meet you."

Rory gave him a cold glare. "I can assure you that feeling is not mutual."

"Your loss," he replied confidently.

"Come on, guys. We need to get to class anyway," Kayla said, standing to leave.

Levi watched Rory as she gathered her things. "See you around…I don't think I caught your name."

She glared at him again. "That's because I didn't give it to you. Have a nice day," and with that, she and her friends exited the coffee shop.

* * *

"Can you believe that guy?" Kayla asked her after class.

Rory was glad her friend was still thinking about their interaction with Levi because she was still seething over it as well. Who was this guy?

She shook her head. "He was awful. But thankfully, we go to a big school so odds are we will never run into him again."

"Thank god," Kayla grumbled. "I don't think I could stop myself from smacking him in his smug face if I saw him again."

Rory snickered at the image. "Please make sure I'm there if that ever happens."

"Deal," Kayla said, shaking Rory's hand.

"So what did you deduce from class today, Dr. Watson?" Rory teased.

Kayla adopted a fake British accent. "Well, my dear Sherlock, it appears that you and Mr. Medina do indeed have a stronger rapport than the other students, but nothing out of the ordinary. If I didn't know you I don't think I would even notice. Right-o, old chap. Pip-pip! Cheerio!"

Kayla's impression made Rory laugh. "Too right, Dr. Watson. Thank you for your analysis."

Kayla took a bow. "Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week."

"Moving on to another English-related topic…what time is the first creative writing club meeting?" Rory asked.

"Thursday at 5:00 in the English 1 lecture hall."

"Great, so I've got two days to write and edit something decent."

"Just take something you've already written and let Sarah and I tweak it. Don't lose your mind trying to have something perfect for the first meeting. The whole point of the club is to help us hone our skills."

"I know…I just don't want to look like a stupid freshman," Rory told her friend as they entered her dorm room.

"Don't we all," Kayla replied. "But there's nothing wrong with needing a little polishing. Everyone was a beginner once."

"Except Mozart," Sarah chimed in from her place at her desk.

Kayla rolled her eyes. "Nobody gets your nerdy musical references, Sarah," she teased.

Sarah stuck her nose up in the air with mock superiority. "Only the most sophisticated of people will truly understand. When I win a Grammy someday, see if you are in my 'thank-you' speech."

All three girls laughed before launching into a discussion about their evening plans.

* * *

On Thursday evening, Rory and Kayla made their way to the creative writing club meeting.

"What did you decide to write about?" Kayla asked her. "I know you were choosing between doing a short story or some creative non-fiction."

"I chose the creative non-fiction. The one about me and my mom."

"That's great! I loved that one. I mean, the short story was good, too, but the authenticity of the narrative in non-fiction piece was really moving."

Rory blushed slightly. "Thanks. What did you decide to go with?"

Kayla grimaced. "Ugh, just a few excerpts from my poetry collection. It's so pretentious and silly, but I wasn't in the mood to write anything else, and my old stories are just so…blah."

"They were not!" Rory assured her friend.

Kayla smiled. "You're too kind, Rory Gilmore."

The meeting room already had several students in it by the time they arrived, and a few more people trickled in before the meeting started. At three minutes past five, one of the students stood up and walked to the front of the room.

"Hello everyone," the girl addressed the crowd, "I'm Katie Daniels, vice-president of the creative writing club. Sorry for the short delay, but our president seems to be running late, which is something you'll get used to if you stick around the club long enough. Anyway, until he gets here, I'll answer whatever questions you guys have."

Half the hands in the room shot into the air. It took about 15 minutes for everyone's questions to get answered. Katie was in the middle of wrapping up the last question when the door at the back of the classroom opened."

"Better late than never. Everyone, this is our president."

Someone walked to the front of the room, and Rory had to muster up all the strength she had to stop herself from audibly gasping.

The boy gave everyone in the room a vainglorious smile. "What's up, guys? My name is Levi Hollis. I'm a junior creative writing major, and, like Katie said, the president of the creative writing club. It sounds like she's answered most of your questions, so let's get down to business."

He explained the purpose of the club and the kinds of activities they got involved in on campus and in the community. People asked more questions. The members gave more answers. Levi and Katie talked some more. More questions. More answers.

But Rory barely heard any of it. Kayla had to give her a nudge when everyone started passing their writing forward.

Levi shuffled the papers around to form a neat stack. "I'm looking forward to reading all of these. Typically, the club officers will pass the pieces around to one another and make the first set of edits. We cross out any personal information after we make a note of who wrote what. Then we randomly distribute the pieces to the members of the club for another round of edits. Once those are done, we return the work to the original owner. But since this is the first meeting, only the officers will be making edits this time. Alright? Great. See everyone next week. Same bat time, same bat channel."

Rory wanted to laugh at his pop culture reference, but didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

She returned to her dorm in a daze. Levi Hollis was the president of the creative writing club.

Levi. Hollis.

She couldn't imagine a worse scenario. Maybe if he had turned out to be a professor instead of a student…Rory shuddered at the thought.

_Yeah, it could definitely be worse_.

She sat down at her desk and checked her email. She smiled when she saw a message from pgellar85 at a Yale email address.

_Hello Rory,_

_I hope Stanford has been treating you well. As you can see, I am attending Yale. When I arrived, one of my roommate's doors was labeled with the initials "R.G." which, for a moment, made me think you had changed your mind about your college choice. Obviously, this was not the case; R.G. is a girl named Rianne (pronounced like "Ryan") Gellar. What kind of a name is that? I mean, "Rianne"? What were her parents thinking? I suppose I should pity her and take the name issue up with them. Then there's the last name: Gell_ _**A** _ _r. Can you believe that? One vowel difference between our names. Realistically, knowing my father, we could be half-sisters and he just changed the spelling of her name to throw everyone off the scent._

_Anyway, how has your semester been? Is Stanford as excellent as you thought it would be? How is your roommate? Mine are a nightmare, not including Rianne's terrible name. One is a child (only 16) and the other is a sports and workout fanatic. It will be a miracle if I make it through the year without strangling someone. Luckily, I have Terrence here with me — he's my life coach. He helps me find my center and inner peace. Hopefully, he can assist me in reaching nirvana so I have enough positive energy to get me through the rest of the semester._

_Get back to me when you can._

—  _Paris_

Reading the email from her friend improved Rory's mood immensely. The mental image of Paris interacting with her unique roommates made Rory laugh out loud. She hit reply and began to write.

_Hi Paris,_

_Wow, Yale? That's great! I'm really happy for you. What are the odds that your roommate and I would have the same initials? Actually, don't answer that; I'm sure you know the exact statistics._

_Stanford is great! But you'll never guess who teaches here: Mr. Medina! Did you remember that he was a guest lecturer here for a little while during high school? I totally forgot. Needless to say, when I saw him on the first day of class, I was completely shocked. Do you know what the odds are for that? :)_

_My roommate is great. Her name is Sarah Bennet and she is a music major. I know you are rolling your eyes, but she is actually very talented — seriously! She definitely has a real future as a performing artist. Maybe someday you can come visit and we can go to one of her performances. She is a lot of fun and swears like a sailor, which provides us all with some colorful conversation. I think you would really like her. I also met a girl named Kayla Schultz in my Into to English 1 class, and I think you guys would get along very well. She's an English major, too, but, if you can believe it, she's even more nerdy about literature than me. She might give you a run for your money._

_It sounds like things are going well for you. I hope Terrence can be of service to you the rest of the semester._

_It was good to hear from you, Paris. Don't be a stranger — write me anytime._

—  _Rory_

She had just hit send when there was a knock at her door.

"Who could that be?" she wondered aloud. Sarah was at an ensemble rehearsal and Kayla told her she was going to the library after the creative writing club meeting.

She opened the door and could not have been more surprised to see who was on the other side.

"Mom?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to mention that I couldn't resist having Sarah be interested in Sigma Alpha Iota because I am a member in real life :) The Stanford chapter is inactive, but I don't know exactly when that happened, so I'm pretending like it was active in 2003.


End file.
